December is a time for Christmas magic, and what could be more magical than squeezing your blood, sweat, and tears into creating a picture-perfect winter wonderland that your kids can demolish with their screamy, flailing bullshit. It’s a festive fucking funfest, amirite?
For many of us, the desire to skip the madness altogether ultimately loses the tug of war against the desire to make the holidays something really special for our kids. Even though we know in our hearts they could never come close to appreciating it. It’s a perfect allegory for parenting itself, really.
While the kiddos get to enjoy all that cozy spirit we created, we, on the other hand, are left to actually craft that shit. Which means fighting, untangling lights, and planning how to fake our own deaths to avoid the bills to come in January.
Despite the fact that it’s a pain in the ass and we question our life choices entirely during the whole process, the reality is that we WILL continue to do this shit year after year because we love our little families and want them to have an experience that will bring them joy for years to come. In that sense, it’s a noble endeavor, and makes all the crap somewhat worthwhile.
After all, we’re making memories up in this bitch.
12 Hilarious Tweets About the “Magic” of Holiday Decorating
1. Ahhh yes, going through the ol’ back catalogue of classics.
My wife and I are going to pick out a Christmas tree, which means my wife and I will start out disagreeing about a Christmas tree and eventually revisit an argument we had in 2014.
— Dan Regan (@Social_Mime) December 5, 2020
2. On second thought, it seems like a great time for some alone time.
3. Thank you for your service, but we’re done here.
*takes picture of son putting ornament on the tree*
Okay, now give that back to mommy and don't touch another one, okay?
— Mommy Cusses (@mommy_cusses) December 5, 2016
4. Life pro tip: Just leave the family in the forest and take the tree home.
Picking out a Christmas tree with the family is nothing like what you see in the movies.
If you don’t have every kid complaining & are now teetering on the brink of divorce, you’re doing it wrong.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) December 5, 2020
5. Happy holidays? Over YOUR DEAD BODY.
There’s a house two towns over with every tree and shrub on the lot “decorated” with blinking bright blue LED Christmas lights. Thousands of them. From anything farther than 200 feet it looks like a dozen cop cars on the scene of a homicide. If I was their neighbor it would be.
— Eternal Samnation (@portmanteauface) November 26, 2020
6. This is all of us. Namaste.
7. Ahhh, I get the feeling this year’s version is gonna be LIT.
Tonight is the night my husband and I keep the tradition of yelling at each other about who packed up Christmas lights that were burned out. So stoked.
— Mommy Meme Jeans (@mommymemejeans) November 17, 2020
8. Questioning all the choices that led me to here…. you know, jolly shit.
I like to put up Christmas decorations in stages. This is the stage where I sit on the couch with lasagna and stare at the boxes.
— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) November 28, 2020
9. Literally just give ‘er. We’re all tapped out.
Everyone else this year: (on Nov. 1) Well, time to decorate the house like a winter wonderland.
Me: (on Dec. 6) Here's a box of broken construction paper ornaments you've made, kids. There's the tree. Have at it.
— Walking Outside in Slippers (@WalkingOutside) December 7, 2020
10. Ahh yes, the swears will be flying like Santa’s reindeer.
Today is the day I put up the Christmas lights, also known as “Obscenity Day.”
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) November 27, 2020
11. This. Is. A. Magical. Experience. Ok.
Not right now, sweetie. Mommy's losing her shit trying to turn this house into a Winter Wonderland.
— Mommy Cusses (@mommy_cusses) November 27, 2016
12. Hahahahhah sounds wonderful and romantic and incredible and I’m not crying you are.
Let’s get married and have kids so instead of enjoying a glass of wine and a movie you can watch Peppa’s Christmas for the 86th time while I go outside and figure out why the giant inflatable Santa isn’t blowing up.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) December 3, 2020
Happy Holiday Decorating Peeps!
Make sure you have the emergency numbers on hand, as well as some good family counselors and divorce attorneys.