By Sarah Webster Plitt
Beware a silent predator
Who seeks to conquer all
This sneaky foe will slowly
Cover every door and wall
If you had warned me in advance
I likely would have laughed
But now my house is under siege
By the dreaded toddler craft!
It’s started innocent enough
A drawing here and there
But now her fucking “art”
Is absolutely everywhere!
Ground zero, in the kitchen
The refrigerator door
But then it started spreading
She kept making more and more!
Sculptures made from pine cones
Turkeys cut from paper hands
Makeshift instruments
From plastic plates and rubber bands
Construction paper crowns
Adorned with jewels and glitter glue
Purple, heart shaped valentines
That each read, “I love you!”
Pom Poms, feathers, stickers
Glitter stuck to everything
Who knew the shit they’d make
From empty toilet paper rings!
A part of me thinks, “keep it
You may want it down the road”
The other says, “Just chuck it!
It’s memento overload!”
Her book bag, filled up to the brim
Each Friday afternoon
She gleefully inquires,
“Can we hang this in my room?”
I really love her “art”
But there’s too much of it, you see
To store each little craft
Is gonna be the death of me
And so I wait for bedtime
Then I make a little stash
Of all the worthy art work
And the rest goes in the trash
It may seem like a harsh
Or heartless thing for me to do
If so, just send me your address
I’ll mail a box to you
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About the Author
Sarah Webster Plitt is a recovering actress, mother of two and naughty rhyme enthusiast. She writes funny and relatable mom poems via her Rhyming Mama Instagram and Twitter accounts @sarabellab123