By Sarah Webster Plitt 

Beware a silent predator

Who seeks to conquer all

This sneaky foe will slowly

Cover every door and wall

If you had warned me in advance

I likely would have laughed

But now my house is under siege

By the dreaded toddler craft!

It’s started innocent enough

A drawing here and there

But now her fucking “art”

Is absolutely everywhere!

Ground zero, in the kitchen

The refrigerator door

But then it started spreading

She kept making more and more!

Sculptures made from pine cones

Turkeys cut from paper hands

Makeshift instruments

From plastic plates and rubber bands

Construction paper crowns

Adorned with jewels and glitter glue

Purple, heart shaped valentines

That each read, “I love you!”

Pom Poms, feathers, stickers

Glitter stuck to everything

Who knew the shit they’d make

From empty toilet paper rings!

A part of me thinks, “keep it

You may want it down the road”

The other says, “Just chuck it!

It’s memento overload!”

Her book bag, filled up to the brim

Each Friday afternoon

She gleefully inquires,

“Can we hang this in my room?”

I really love her “art”

But there’s too much of it, you see

To store each little craft

Is gonna be the death of me

And so I wait for bedtime

Then I make a little stash

Of all the worthy art work

And the rest goes in the trash

It may seem like a harsh

Or heartless thing for me to do

If so, just send me your address

I’ll mail a box to you

 

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About the Author

Sarah Webster Plitt is a recovering actress, mother of two and naughty rhyme enthusiast. She writes funny and relatable mom poems via her Rhyming Mama Instagram and Twitter accounts @sarabellab123