By Gail Hoffer-Loibl of Maybe I’ll Shower Today
Holly R. Tendow, a 25-year-old waitress from of Los Angeles, added the accolade of “best-selling author” to her resume less than 24 hours after giving birth to her first child.
The new mom, who claims to have never read a single piece of literature on child-rearing, conceived the idea for her book, “How To Be The Perfect Parent: No Excuses,” moments after she vaginally delivered her son, “Perfection,” even going so far as to request a pad and pen while her perineum was being stitched up.
“I was just about to stick her with the needle when she yelled at me to stop. I thought she just needed more numbing cream or pain medication. Instead, she just pointed to my jacket pocket and asked to borrow my pen and asked if I had anything she could write on. She claimed to have this brilliant idea for a book,” said Dr. Deborah Downing. “Before I could grab my pad to write her a prescription for her dysphoria, she snatched it out of my hands and began writing.”
Once settled into her room, Tendow chose to forgo the recommended rest and, instead, managed to secure an agent and raise more than $500,000 in pre-orders, all while breastfeeding her baby. She even successfully petitioned the hospital to have a copy of her book go home with every new parent.
When asked what inspired her to write a parenting book, Tendow replied, “It was like I was gifted with everything I would need to know about raising children. Until now, I don’t believe anyone has gotten it right. Just look at all those moms complaining about how hard it is to take care of the kids and find time for housework or even use the bathroom alone. Clearly something is wrong. I’m happy to help them.”
“How To Be The Perfect Parent” covers raising kids from infancy to adulthood. New parents can find tips on feeding to sleep training, and parents of toddlers will appreciate the chapter on potty training, aptly titled, “Why is Your Kid Still in Diapers?” Tendow has some particularly strong advice for parents of teenagers: “If your child isn’t on the honor roll and in at least to Advanced Placement classes, you have failed him. It’s not too late to start over with an adopted child.”
Tendow’s blunt approach doesn’t appear to offend her readers. Even seasoned parents welcome her advice. Clara Jones of Jackson, Miss., wrote: “I am a mother of 10 biological children (ranging from ages five to 18), the adoptive mom of triplet boys and a foster parent of a special needs teenager. I thought I knew a thing or two about parenting. Turns out, I needed a reality check. Thank goodness for Ms. Tendow and her wonderful book.”
Even the experts are weighing in with high praise. “I’ve dedicated my whole life to studying infant sleep habits, and I have yet to crack the code. Tendow has done it on her first go,” said noted child psychologist, Dr. S. Martin Guy. “How could I not have thought to just tell the baby not to cry? Duh!”
Tendow scoffs at the notion that new mothers need to take it easy as their body recuperates and they get to know their new babies. She feels these women who just want to lie in bed all day with their newborns are lazy and should be more productive with their time off.
“In one week after giving birth, I have written a best-selling novel, cleaned my house, started a sustainable garden in my backyard and taught my baby to sleep without crying,” Tendow said, responding to critics who claim her expectations are unrealistic. “I’ve done all this while bonding with my baby, keeping my husband happy and making time for all of my friends and family.”
Tendow will spend the rest of her maternity leave promoting her book, her next stop being “The Ellen DeGeneres Show.”
“How To Be The Perfect Parent: No Excuses,” published by Sanctimonious Press, is available online and at all major bookstores. The book is not available on Audible, as Tendow doesn’t want it sold to people too lazy to read.
About the Author
Gail Hoffer-Loibl is a writer/turned mom/turned writer again, whose work has been featured on The Huffington Post , The Good Men Project, Mom Babble and more. When she is not chasing after her two boys, she’s writing about them, and other aspects of parenting on her blog, Maybe I’ll Shower Today. You can find her on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram.