By Caroline Hand

Dear Toddler Son,

Thank you so much for the wonderful gift of ringworm. I really don’t know how or where you got such a thing! For a few weeks, I’d been wondering what that red, itchy, scaly, roundish patch on my thigh was, but after a visit to the dermatologist, I wonder no more—it’s ringworm!

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You know me so well, son! I mean, really, how did you know exactly what to get me? I figured that after spending so much time together you and I were completely in sync, and now I have proof! It’s in the form of an incredibly itchy, gross, fungus-y spot on the side of my thigh. Really, you shouldn’t have. No, really.

I had noticed you had a similar scaly patch near your shoulder a few weeks ago, but I figured it was just dry skin or a little eczema due to the cold winter weather. It wasn’t until I pointed it out to the pediatrician at your 18-month well visit that I even realized it could be ringworm. Luckily, the doctor knew just what to do, and he prescribed a cream that took care of it right away. And by right away, I mean approximately four weeks of diligent twice-a-day applications that I thought would never work and almost made me tear my hair out.

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It was shortly thereafter that I noticed the red spot on my leg, especially when it itched so much that I thought I might accidentally rip my skin off while scratching it. My skin is often dry, so I didn’t think much of it. Little did I know, it was a present from you! You must have liked your ringworm so much that you thought I might like it too. You’re too kind.

So, thank you. Thank you ever so much for the thoughtful gift. And for already having the cream to treat it. I, too, have used it diligently for weeks and yet still a little spot of red itchiness remains. It’s fantastic! I’m starting to wonder if it will ever go away. If it doesn’t, it will be a permanent reminder of you, just like my jiggly belly; and what mother doesn’t love that?!

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Thanks a million, my sweet pea.

Signed,

Your ever-loving mama

*****

About the Author

Caroline Hand is a freelance TV producer, writer of pithy commentary for Us Weekly’s Fashion Police, and mother of two who likes to write about mom stuff in her spare time, when she’s not busy obsessing over pop culture and celebrity gossip.