By Crystal Lowery of Creepy Ginger Kid
Last Mother’s Day my kids made me a macaroni necklace, and I have a few complaints to lodge.
To start, the craftsmanship was shoddy at best. A few of the noodles had chunks bitten out of them, and it appears they ran out of string because it fit like a 90’s choker — if that choker came from the set of an absurdist Melrose Place parody wherein Beaker from The Muppets played the part of Heather Locklear.
[adsanity id=”35664″ align=”aligncenter”/]To say the noodle necklace is kind of ugly is like saying Billy Bob Thornton is a little eccentric or Gilbert Gottfried is sort of annoying. I haven’t seen such an eyesore since Chris Kirkpatrick wore pigtail braids to hide the fact that he was a 47-year-old member of NSYNC.
And now I have to wear this thing around town, like a cone of shame, making a public mockery of myself? People on the street will wonder which asylum I escaped from because this necklace couldn’t make me look more insane if it came equipped with a stolen shopping cart and a bird for my hair.
[adsanity id=”35667″ align=”aligncenter”/]The kids might as well have gotten me an “I’m with stupid” t-shirt where the arrow points at my face. If I’m “dressing for the job I want,” then it seems I aspire to be an unemployed shut-in with a nervous tick.
They say it’s the thought that counts. If that’s true, what counts to my family is making a sport out of humiliating me. I have received better gifts from an IRS auditor. I haven’t been this disappointed since last Mother’s Day when they gave me a coupon for a free hug, which is why I’m awarding this product 0/5 stars.
[adsanity id=”35665″ align=”aligncenter”/]Related Post: Teen Not Spanked as a Child, Still Graduates High School
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About the Author
Crystal Lowery is an American mom working in England. By day, she does medical research, by night she wrangles two toddlers, a boy and a girl. She has made millions laugh on The Huffington Post, Scary Mommy, Sammiches & Psych Meds, In the Powder Room, Mumsnet and others. You can find her blogging at Creepy Ginger Kid and she’d love for you to follow her on Facebook.