This mask thing isn’t all bad. I know it’s annoying, but after almost a year of wearing one during this
pandemic, it’s kinda melded with my face. Now that masks are part of my wardrobe, I no longer have to worry about putting makeup on half of my face to go out in public. I used to be a slave to
lipstick. I own the same color in 45 shades and now wear none of it. I’m richer because I’m not buying a new lipstick I don’t need every month. Once masks aren’t required, I’ll certainly be in debt to MAC and Lancôme once again.
I won’t be able to ignore waxing, bleaching, exfoliating, and
tweezing anymore. Now, I could be sporting a full mustache and goatee, but the Target cameras would never know. I currently look good with only my eyes and hair visible to Target’s giant, concave reflectors. For those who use Botox, you can let those jowls flap freely under the mask and use the money on DoorDash snacks instead.
Speaking of snacks, masks hide a multitude of messes. I don’t have to worry about dusting off potato chip crumbs while wearing a mask. I can also stuff my face with chips and crunch away behind the mask. Chew with my mouth closed? Not if no one’s looking. When masks are no longer a thing, I’ll need to resume checking my teeth for stuck food and wiping my face. Those things used to come automatically. Now, I’m a full-fledged slob!
Currently, I don’t have to worry about offending people with my facial expressions. Resting bitch face is well hidden behind the mask. I like to think I don’t have RBF, but I sure as hell don’t smile 24/7. In fact, I’m incredibly emotive and my facial expressions betray me when I’m trying to put on a poker face. Under the cloth’s shield, I can freely express when I’m grossed out. You know that snarl people give you when they’re annoyed? I don’t miss seeing it.
Once masks are gone, I’m going to have to reign in my clueless muttering. Now, I can bumble around talking to myself without anyone noticing or caring. Also on the list of things to curtail: huffing and rage sighing.
While wearing a mask has given me the freedom of expression I didn’t know I needed, once this is over, I’ll be glad to see your smile again.
About the Author
I’m an author, attorney, and college application coach. I’ve been a college professor and a small business owner. I’m an autoimmune warrior and a single mother of three. I enjoy using both sides of my brain and have recreated myself many times to work around my growing kids’ schedules. I share stories from all facets of my life on social media under the Instagram handle @lessonsfromtheminivan. I share the good, bad, and ugly of my life with the hope of making others feel not so alone. I discuss my battle with anxiety, chronic illnesses, and a contentious divorce. I also make light of many situations and strive to find the good stuff life has to offer. I enjoy engaging with other parents about balancing parenthood with work, relationships, schedules, and other daily life issues. So many of us feel isolated and even ashamed of being overwhelmed by their children and by life in general. My personal goal is to diffuse these negative feelings through laughter and honest conversations. lessonsfromtheminivan.com
