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BREAKING: Tattooed Mother May Not Care What You Think


A local mother of four reportedly doesn’t give a shit about the opinions of various people who do not, in fact, have any say in what she does to her body.

It came to our attention when her father-in-law brusquely commented, “People use tattoos to hide their insecurities.”

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Other people who claim to have seen her at the same grocery store more than once seem to think her tattoos are a “desecration of her body.” Even her own mother has been heard to lament the destruction of her daughter’s perfect skin.

“It’s my body. It’s a canvas that I choose to cover in art. But so many people I encounter still seem to think that tattoos are a phase and that I’ll regret getting them,” the woman, a 20-something mother of four, was heard saying to a concerned friend over a soy latte.

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Most of the people approached on the subject didn’t seem to give a rat’s ass one way or the other.

“Tattoos are rad,” piped an adolescent at the town’s solitary skate park.

“Why did you follow me into the bathroom?” an older woman queried when approached for a statement.

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But it seems, despite perfect strangers not caring about who, or what, we were talking about, the woman’s family and friends have quite a bit to say about her body modification choices.

“What kind of job can she hope to get with all those tattoos?” a family member, who wished to remain anonymous, asked. “And those facial piercings! If she thinks those kids of hers are going to learn self-respect from her example, she’s in for a rude awakening.”

The most poignant opinion, it seems, comes from the woman’s own husband: “You know, it’s her body, and she can do whatever she wants to it. As long as she doesn’t try out that stupid half-shaved hairdo, I don’t care. I just wish she could pick a cheaper hobby.”

No reports yet on what her friends think of her plans for more ink, but our staff has been told that, after a staged intervention, the woman was spotted leaving a new tattoo parlor late last week.

And while her family finds the woman’s most recent tattoo of her children’s names “charming” and “surprisingly pretty,” there have been whispers of concern that she may be too far gone to save.

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About the Author

An aspiring novelist, Jessica is the Domestic Pirate, Ren Faire Privateer Gone Mom. When she’s not blogging or wasting time on Facebook,Twitter, and Instagram she’s taking care of the Captain and their four Cabin Kids. Obsessed with Pirates and the Internet, she is convinced that the dough is always better than the cookie.