Humor Life Parenting

25 Thoughts I Have When I Wake Up


For your amusement, I present 25 thoughts I have when I wake up — ehem, before I get out of bed — because, you know, life.

1. What time is it?

2. What day is it?

3. Why is it so early?

4. Should I move the kids’ bedtime a little later?

5. No, then I’ll be up later trying to get stuff done and I’ll still be tired.

6. How do people with toddlers get stuff done when their kids are up?

7. I must be missing something. Maybe I need to let them “help” more.

8. But the last time they helped with the laundry, they spent two minutes fighting over who got to wear my underwear as a hat.

9. I need to do laundry. My yoga pants still have peanut butter on them from last week.

10. I should shower today.

11. Have I showered this week?

12. Crap. I need to give the kids a bath today.

13. Maybe I’ll make spaghetti for dinner tonight. They’re just going to eat it with their hands and rub it all over their faces anyway. At least I’ll be prepared for it and know they’ll get clean.

14. But then I have to brush Lillian’s hair and that is so not how I like to end my day.

15. But tomato sauce counts as a vegetable and I’m not sure the kids have recently eaten a veggie other than canned green beans.

16. The kids are quiet. Maybe they went back to sleep.

17. Are they playing? They are. They’re playing with their toys. Does that mean I can go back to sleep? I mean, if they’re occupied…

18. What am I going to do with them today? I could try Play-Doh again but, I swear, if Levi eats it…

19. Maybe we’ll go to the park.

20. No, I hate the park

21. Maybe the store. I’ll buy them a cookie to counteract all the green beans they’ve been eating.

22. I will not let them watch T.V. all day. I won’t, I won’t, I won’t…

23. I’m just going to close my eyes for one minute.

24. Crap. Now they’re knocking on their door. I guess I should get up now.

25. I love you bed. I’ll see you again tonight.

This post originally appeared on Is It Bedtime Yet?