By Alexis Marino
Four out of five days, the teacher at my 16 month old’s daycare tells me, “He bit his friends again today.” Full of shame, I gently ask him, “Why did you bite? That’s not nice,” knowing full well he doesn’t understand a word coming out of my mouth, and if he did, his little memory has forgotten all about the wonderful taste of little Ava’s arm that morning after circle time.
As a mother, this is embarrassing, especially because it has been going on since post-quarantine back in May (What do they think I taught him during this pandemic??). But then I think of all the things my master ankle-biter will be able to sink his teeth into:
He may grow up to be the 4th of July hotdog champion of the world.
He will be fantastic at bobbing for apples.
He could play soccer. Or hockey.
He will stand a chance in the ring with Mike Tyson.
He could go on tour with Ozzy Osborne.
He will be the last standing zombie in an apocalypse.
If a spider bites him, sending radioactive waves and turning him into an avenging Spiderman, he can turn around and bite that spider back, turning it into a COVID avenging vaccine.
His teeth could be used to make learning molds for dental students.
He will always be able to chew what he bites off.
Bark worse than his bite? Not this guy — he will bite his way to the top of anything, leaving no man in his path.
He may found the future “Biters’ Anonymous.”
His self-help book, Armed to the Teeth, will be a NYTimes best-seller.
He’ll be a natural fundraiser, “putting the bite” on people.
He’ll be able to cut his teeth on anything he puts his mind to, as long as he doesn’t bite the hand that feeds him.
About the Author
Alexis Marino is a freelance writer and blogger. When she’s not chasing after her toddler, she is likely playing words with friends and drinking a glass of wine. Checkout her blog at southernsasspitality.blogspot.com and follow her insta @alexiscapmarino.