I apologize to my colleague, and all women in general, for thinking that giving this show a proper review was a man's job. It simply cannot be done.

I Watched Zac Efron’s New Show and Now I’m Pretty Sure I’m Pregnant

By MockMom

With this year being a complete dumpster fire, I almost forgot what it was like to feel my loins on fire but then I binge-watched Zac Efron’s new Netflix show ‘Down to Earth’ and WOW, I HAVEN’T FELT THIS FERTILE SINCE JASON MOMOA’S LAST MOVIE.

In his new show, Efron travels the world looking for real solutions to sustainable living with his beard and dad bod and he can articulate intelligent sentences and  ⏤ WHEW is it getting hot in here, or are our standards just significantly lower than they used to be?

Oh well, does it really matter? Because this dude is lookin’ hella doable and I’ve already had to change the batteries in my vibrator twice.

That’s right, I watched Efron’s new show and now I can’t stop masturbating. Every time I go to leave the house, something reminds me of him and I feel compelled to rub one out.

Bread? Mmm, when he was baking and eating that bread cooked in an Icelandic hot spring… It’s enough to sprain my wrist just thinking about it.

Water? Yes, please. Just like the episode where he explores Paris and their water fountains, I would let him do whatever he wants with his baguette.

Sustainable village in Costa Rica? Luckily it would be 100% eco-friendly to sit on that bearded face.

Yes, it’s possible that I’ve been immaculately impregnated just by watching Efron’s beefy body for several hours straight, but overall it was worth it… even though my clit has swollen up like a cherry tomato.