How to Care About Big Dick Energy When You Just Wanna F**k Beards

By MockMom

First, try to forget how the look and feel of beards excite you on a sexual/spiritual level.

Take into consideration that a large dick is pretty nice. I mean, not vibrator nice, but still nice.

Wait, didn’t this used to be called “BCS” (Big Cock Syndrome)? Someone decided “energy” was better marketing? I think the big dick industry might be trying to pull one over on us. (Yes, I reread that and, yes, I’m leaving it.)

Try not to picture a dick with a beard and wonder if it would be more attractive that way.

Don’t think about scruffy, scrumptious beards at all.

Remember that Ariana Grande is engaged to this dude, and BDE makes more sense than anything else:

Don’t wonder if this Pete Davidson guy might actually be bonable if he grew a beard.

BIG. DICK. ENERGY. Don’t think about how it sounds like an energy drink you really have no interest in trying.

Definitely don’t picture Grizzly Adams.

Remember, a big dick feels good! Not as good as clitoral stimulation, but this isn’t about you, your clit, your man’s mouth, or his glorious facial hair…mmmmmm…DAMMIT I GIVE UP.