By Christine Derengowski

You took the time out of your busy and precisely scheduled day to take your preschooler to the doctor for a double ear infection. You’re feeling good that you trusted your instincts and got them in right away and now have a prescription to get them quickly on the mend. You may also be patting yourself on the back because your kid behaved in the doctor’s office. But your preschooler, who will hereafter be referred to as PSer, is going to make you pay for that confidence as soon as you leave. Your little PSer is going to scream the entire way to the pharmacy in protest of their Rx sight, smell and taste unseen.

Fret not. Here is step by step guide to get that magic solution into their body.

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Once you arrive at the pharmacy a frazzled mess from listening your PSer’s persistent caterwauling, take a deep breath. You’re likely about to discover that they’ve prescribed the pink bubble gum flavored goo of your own childhood nightmares. Don’t let your PSer see you sweat. On the drive home, hype it up while your kid wails in opposition. If your PSer carries on with their thunderous tantrum at home, your neighbors might think they’ve lost a limb. It’s best to close your windows and attempt to reason with them. After all, a mere 5mL of medicine is going to take away their pain. 

As every parent knows, PSers are not to be reasoned with, especially in full meltdown. Lead by example and take a small sip, but only if you can do so without wincing in disgust. Try mixing it with something delicious despite the fact that nothing on the planet exists that’s flavor is enhanced by runny bubble gum tang. This will likely not fool them anyway and will fail right out of the gate. Only try one or two concoctions as you can’t afford to waste many doses.

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Next, I’d recommend bribing with their favorite chaser. Who can resist a whole ice cream sandwich in return for the small task of swallowing ONE tablespoon of medicine? Two ice cream sandwiches? Two ice cream sandwiches and a cupcake? A NEW TOY? I’ll tell you who – PSers. There is no currency an obstinate child will yield for.

Frustrated, and probably nearing the end of your rope, I suggest you try idle threats. “You understand you’ll never go to school again? You won’t be able to see your friends! You. Will. Lose. Your. Ears. You’ll never hear SpongeBob laugh again!” This attempt will also likely be futile.

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By now you’re desperate and your kid is getting no healthier. It’s time to call in the pros. Make a quick call to your pharmacist inquiring about different flavored medicine. Mine can only add new flavors like chocolate or blueberry to the existing bubble gum slime. I emphatically decline his offer, my stomach heaving at the thought. But sensing my defeat, he proposes I contact the doctor and ask for something a little more palatable.

When you leave to pick up the new grape flavored Rx your doctor was gracious enough to call in, DO NOT, under any circumstances, tell that PSer where you’re going. That way, they won’t start screaming until you’re already pulling into Walgreens. It’ll give you a hot minute to regroup and hopefully start back at square one with fresh resolve.

If you’ve made it to this step without getting any antibiotics down your PSer’s throat, bear with me. You can tell by their stifled cries from the backseat that they are equally worn down and ready to concede. But only for a day or two and that’s if you’re lucky. Who needs ears anyway? Not PSers, apparently.

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But what about eyes? I have some equally helpful tips I garnered from our holiday weekend bout of pink eye. Did you think that getting a stubborn PSer to drink 5mL of liquid was the real challenge? Two words: eye drops. Every four hours for seven days. I don’t want to overwhelm anyone with too much info here, so stay tuned for an upcoming How To. I’ll warn you, though, no one in your family is surviving without a meltdown and a raging case of pink eye. Til then!

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About the Author

A SAHM, Christine and her husband hope to instill their love of the outdoors in their two young sons by keeping busy outside. They can often be found walking their dogs, cheering on the Detroit Tigers, or enjoying play dates anywhere kids can expend large amounts of energy with minimal destruction of property. Christine is a contributor for the Mid-Michigan Mom’s Blog and has also been published on Motherly. Follow Christine on Facebook and the Mid-Michigan Mom’s Blog.