By Samantha Wassel of Between the Monkey Bars
Think your kid asks annoying questions? Try watching a movie with four-year-old Carson Tupp.
The loquacious little man from Lexington, KY, recently smashed the world record for most questions asked during a movie, spitting out an impressive string of 1,748 inquiries in the span of one 92 minute film. That works out to a staggering average rate of 19 questions per minute.
The previous record, set in 2015 during an at-home screening of Minions, was held by three-year-old Lexi Bolstein, who spent the entirety of the film alternately asking, “What he say?” and “Can I have ’nana [banana]?” (We feel you, Lexi: Does anyone really know what those annoying little yellow fuckers are saying?)
Carson’s mom, Felicia Tupp, claims her son has been training to break the record since he first learned how to talk.
“He’s been asking me stupid questions since he said his first word at six months old,” she told us. “Other babies said ‘Mama’ or ‘Dada,’ but not my kid. His first word was ‘Why,’ and it all just snowballed from there. I couldn’t even get through an episode of Ellen without him asking me a bunch of inconsequential bullshit. At least back then I could just shove a boob in his mouth.”
Tupp told us she’d been suffering at the hand of Carson’s incessant question-asking for years before the idea of turning it into something good finally came to her. Then, after a particularly annoying display of Carson’s talent during family movie night last month, she and her husband decided it was time to put his skill to the test.
“Training was tough,” she said. “We watched tons of insipid kid movies together. Did you know that little bitch Dora and her annoying boot-wearing monkey sidekick have made more than one full-length film? All that fucking Spanglish and unnerving cartoon staring. God. I went through a lot of wine and actually sprained a finger from over-squeezing a stress ball. But you know how it is; we all make sacrifices for our children.”
Carson’s record-breaking feat occurred on a Friday night, in the comfort of his own home, after a solid dinner of dino nuggets and cheese cubes. His mom already had one of his favorite films—Trolls—queued up on Netflix by the time the official from Guinness World Records arrived. After settling her son into the couch with his lovie and requisite blue sippy cup, Mrs. Tupp pressed “play” and sat proudly by her son’s side as he immediately began spewing out annoying questions.*
*We were later informed by the Guinness official in attendance that Mrs. Tupp put in ear plugs prior to the start of the movie.
Guinness was gracious enough to send our reporters a portion of the recording that was taken during the event, along with their permission to publish a transcription of the 60-second snippet here:
“Who that? What he doing? Is he a bad guy? Is he gonna die? Am I gonna die? Are you gonna die? What happen when we die? Do Cheetos die? Can I have Cheetos? Are there Cheetos in Heaven? Do Jesus like Cheetos? Do Trolls like Cheetos? Do Trolls like me? Do you like me? Do Jesus like me? Is Jesus a troll? Do Jesus eat Cheetos? Wanna see my penis? Why you look mad?”
Carson’s record application was reviewed and deemed legitimate by the Records Management Committee at Guinness less than a week after it was submitted.
“We only had to listen to the recording once,” the head of the committee told us. “We couldn’t take another second of that shit.”
Mrs. Tupp told us that when she informed her son that he’d set a world record, he asked her if he’d won any Cheetos.
About the Author
Samantha Wassel is an Army Wife and SAHM to three energetic boys and three lazy AF cats. She enjoys running, writing, kettlebelling, reading, nerding out, and eating exorbitant amounts of goat cheese and Peanut Butter Halo Top ice cream (but not together, because barf). You can find more of her work at Between the Monkey Bars