My weight has bounced up and down over the years with pregnancies, a poor diet, and minimal exercise. About 8 years ago, I worked hard to gain control over my health with a nutritious eating plan and a commitment to exercise, and I lost just over 50 pounds. I felt fabulous for the first time in years! Then, I hit my forties and struggled to keep my weight stable. Add in a house renovation gone horribly wrong, and I regained all the weight I had lost…. And then some.
In Winter of 2020 BC (Before COVID), I was having a particularly frustrating day –
feeling so down and discouraged about my size and weight. UGH!! That’s it! I decided. I’m taking some laxatives to jumpstart getting some of this weight OFF! That will give me a boost to keep things rolling on my own.
(Note: I know this is not healthy. I know this can lead to an eating disorder. I’m not mocking or minimizing this. This was simply my experience. And please don’t worry, dear reader, all is well!)
I secretly took 2 chocolate EX-LAX squares at bedtime. As I chewed them thoroughly, I felt some satisfaction, knowing that tomorrow would kickstart my weight loss. Let’s go!
The next day, there was “action” but not much. Hmm… at bedtime, I chewed 3 EX-LAX squares. There! That oughta do it! But the next day was similar to the first. What gives??
So at bedtime, I chewed another 3… and then another 2 the following morning.
I went to work and made it to mid-afternoon before all of a sudden, I got an alarming cramp in my abdomen. Alarming, in that I honestly didn’t know if I was going to make it to the bathroom. When the cramp eased up some, I took that opportunity to make a run for it!
I got myself settled in the bathroom and all hell broke loose. The severe cramping amped up again and I doubled over, wrapping my arms around my stomach, squeezing my eyes shut and barely holding in a pained moan. My bowels roiled and gurgled. Now that I was “safe” on the toilet, I could relax my muscles down there but I had been tensing so tight, I had to pep talk myself to now let go. And let go I did. And it was horrifying. The loud wet farts resounded off the tile walls.
The intermittent splashing in the toilet was mortifying but I couldn’t stop it. And the SMELL…OMG! It was putrid – it smelled like something had died in my intestines. It surrounded me in my tiny stall. It filled the washroom and hung thick in the air. There was no denying that the EX-LAX had finally kicked in. Other washroom patrons were coming in and using the bathroom and running for their
lives. I politely did the best I could with 8 courtesy flushes. UGH….
But once the situation had, um, subsided, I thought well, maybe that wasn’t so bad. I felt lighter and not as bloated. Maybe not such a bad thing after all?
That evening, when I opened the drawer in the bathroom to get out my earrings case, I saw the EX-LAX box there. I paused.
What were my plans tomorrow and the next day, just in case there was another “incident”? I was going to kickboxing the next day, and helping to run my son’s basketball playoffs the day after. Could I afford an extended bathroom break? Would I have some element of privacy to do so more comfortably?
I shut the drawer.
About the Author
Carole Johnston has been married to her college sweetheart for 21 years, and adores her teenage son and preteen daughter. When she isn’t working at a local college, she can often be found baking while singing the wrong words to popular songs. Her love of organizing products is matched only by her love of make-up. Carole has been published in Her View From Home, Chicken Soup for the Soul: Curvy & Confident, The Metabolism Miracle, Fire of the Spirit: The International Library of Poetry and Ignite News. Her hope is that her words will help others feel understood, and will meet them exactly where they are in that very moment. She would love for you to join her on Facebook for some @FamilyFunAndDysfunction You can also check out her blog called Confessions of Chatty Carole – Crushing Carb Cravings and Cardio Classes at Chatty Carole.