MockMom

Community in Crisis Over Child Carrying Elf Home with Bare Hands

By Kristan Braziel of Bring Mommy A Martini

Trouble continues in a local neighborhood, where a mother is accused of allowing her daughter to walk down the street carrying her elf with bare hands in front of all the other children.

It all began last week when the incoming text notifications of eight moms’ phones (and the phone of one stay-at-home-dad) rang out simultaneously from an angry group text, initiated by Kayla’s mom, Patricia: “FYI, the kids just got off the bus and there’s a little girl walking in the middle of the pack, carrying her elf. IN HER HAND, right out in the open where all the kids can see.”

A flurry of texts ensued, with everyone trying to figure out “Who the hell is it?” causing a data bottleneck that ultimately knocked out the nearby cell tower.

“We all suspected that it was that one lady’s bratty daughter,” one mother said. “Because that woman always gives in to her child, and sure enough, my neighbor texted to confirm it after pulling out her binoculars.”

“Yah, I saw that she was the one holding the elf. And I saw my sweet, innocent daughter talking to her and looking right at her,” the woman continued. “I dropped the binoculars and fell right to my knees and just…sobbed.”

In a video taken by the nosy neighbor on the corner, shot through a gap in her mini-blinds, the moms (and one dad, who had an empty Baby Bjorn hooked around his chest) are seen running to their children. Others who had already reached the group were leading their children away from the girl and her elf, their arms around the shoulders of their kids, in an attempt to shield their eyes.

But they were too late. One mother remembers how her child looked up at her, with big, sad eyes and a warbling chin, and asked, “Momma, why is Becky allowed to touch her elf?”

“I told him that Becky’s mother doesn’t know the rules,” the mother said. “But the truth is, she’s probably too busy entertaining the package delivery guy, who seems to visit her house every single afternoon, to worry about futzing with the innocence of other children.”

“Oh, I lost it when my son walked in and started asking ‘Is the elf really magic?’ questions,” the mom from around the corner said. “That’s when I decided to go right to the source and confront Becky’s mother to give her a piece of my mind. I went straight to my computer to write a scathing post on the neighborhood Facebook page.”

“You handled it so well, though,” the one stay-at-home-dad said. “Posting a picture of her daughter carrying the elf, without tagging her or mentioning her daughter by name, shows how truly classy you are.”

The woman has since been blackballed from all neighborhood activities, including bunco.

“How can we sit across the table from her, tossing dice around, knowing she single-handedly stripped our babies of their belief in Christmas magic?” Patricia said. “No. She’s uninvited from everything, even the New Year’s Eve progressive dinner. Not that she ever pulled her weight on that event, anyway.”

Counselors have been brought in for families needing assistance in ways to deal with the disaster.

“We want each family to deal with this crisis in their own way,” Austin Psychologist, Dr. Colleen Jessman, stated. “It’s important for parents to decide what is right for their families. Whether that’s developing new lies to continue the belief in Christmas elves, or whether it’s breaking the news to their children that elves are, in fact, fake.”

*****

About the Author

Kristan Braziel is the blogger behind Bring Mommy A Martini: a funny blog about family, travel, home decor, and DIYs for people OK with loose instructions and a few F-bombs. Not afraid to make a fool out of herself for a laugh, Braziel shares her counter-intuitive approach at dealing with life’s messy moments. Sometimes hilarious, sometimes troubling, but always honest, her posts will have you laughing and crying and nodding as you think, “Oh sweet fancy Moses, it’s not just me.” You can also find her on FacebookInstagram, and Twitter @kristanbraziel.