Nobody told me how hard parenthood would be. Sure, they tried on some level, but I didn’t get it — couldn’t get it. There was all the talk about being sleep deprived and begging for a shower, of course, but no one can truly understand how grueling those first few months […]
Parenting
My Kid Hates My Lady Blossom
It’s the truth. From the moment she sprouted her sweet lil drumstick legs she began kicking me in the cervix. In the early months it was merely an uncomfortable surprise. In the later months it would hurt so badly it would bend me over at the (area that used to […]
Dance Recitals, or Why I’m Glad I Have All Boys
I am a mother of boys. Aside from the dog, I am the only female in the whole damn house, outnumbered four to one. I deal with farting, wrestling, and peeing everywhere but in the toilet on a regular basis. And I’ve never been more thankful for anything in my […]
The Spanker Man: Why My Mother is a Genius
[nextpage title=”Page 1″ ] This is who I envisioned The Spanker Man to look like. Before there was Elf on a Shelf, there was The Spanker Man. Before there was Mensch on a Bench, there was The Spanker Man. The Spanker Man is a fictional character my mother created to […]
Visiting Friends in 15 Easy Steps
Do you have friends who are actually willing to host you and your litter for a visit, whether for a play date, holiday, or perhaps because you haven’t managed to lay eyes on one another for five years due to having children? Do your best to be a gracious guest […]
8 Things I Underestimated About Motherhood
If I could pick one word to describe my outlook on parenting before becoming a mother for the first time, “clueless” would be that word. I had a 9-month-old niece at the time I got pregnant, and while changing her diapers every once in a while was fun, so was […]
10 Steps to Living (a Good) Life Between Doctor Appointments
[nextpage title=”Page 1″ ] Are you a parent with a sick child, a child with a sick parent, or a spouse with a sick partner? Chances are that you felt like you were drowning when the tidal wave of information and responsibilities of being a caregiver flooded your life. In […]
Warm, Dry, Full, Rested, Overwhelmed: Conditions of Motherhood
[nextpage title=”Page 1″ ] By Audrey Sanchez of Two Dogs, One Cat and a Baby Before I was discharged from the hospital, my doctor said, “There will be a lot of crying fits. Yours. Not your baby’s.” This was his way of helping me situate the emotional and physical wrecking ball that […]