By Heather Jones

New Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez is no stranger to scandal. Recently, a video surfaced showing Ocasio-Cortez in college, dancing, like a college student. She looked happy, which is, of course, completely inappropriate for a member of Congress.

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“This is a disgrace to the office,” said one Republican. “Smiling is absolutely prohibited, and dancing is reserved for the graves of our enemies.”

“That the dance was paying homage to The Breakfast Club is even worse,” said another. “How could anyone celebrate something so disgusting?”

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Once informed that The Breakfast Club referred to an 80s movie, and not a program that provided a morning meal to underprivileged children, the Republican representative was visibly relieved.

Republican and creator of The Gateway Pundit, Jim Hoft, brought an even more shocking revelation about Ocasio-Cortez to light in a Twitter post on Sunday. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez went by “Sandy” in college.

“She had a nickname. I don’t know how we can trust anyone who goes by a nickname,” said Jim, whose name is totally probably not short for James.

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With news quickly spreading about Ocasio-Cortez’s college indiscretions, rumors have started surfacing about further scandals set to come to light this week.

Twitter user David McCreath speculates, “I bet she tore the tag off her mattress.”

Another Twitter user, Jess Flares, dropped a bombshell, revealing, “I don’t know if you’re aware, but, brace yourself, she drove a car in high school too.”

It is also rumored that she once ate the last slice of pizza, wore the same pair of jeans two days in a row, and went swimming less than an hour after eating. And this is likely just the tip of the iceberg for this unscrupulous politician.

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When asked about the speculation that Ocasio-Cortez regularly asks, “How’s the weather up there?” to tall people, President Trump responded, “It’s just disgusting. I mean, no one knows the weather, or tall people, or up there more than me, believe me.”

Ocasio-Cortez has declined comment on the new allegations, but the news does have some of her supporters worried.

Writer Hend Amry promises, “If it’s revealed that she doesn’t follow the wash/rinse/repeat instructions on shampoo bottles, I’m moving to Canada.”

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