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A Winter Storm and Boredom Warning From the Parents Weather Service (PWS)

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Dear Parents,

The Winter Storm and Boredom Warning remains in effect until 1 a.m. EST Friday.

WHAT TO EXPECT:

Heavy snow and whining will occur. Plan on difficult conditions, including the morning commute, but you won’t be commuting because school will be canceled and someone will need to look after the child(ren).

Prepare to argue with your spouse about who will be “working from home” vs. just taking a day off. Prepare to argue with your boss about the company’s “work from home” vs. PTO policy.

Tree branches could fall as well, so you’d better hope that one doesn’t hit your house and take out the Internet, because you will need to stream movies on Netflix. Rules about “screen time” have been suspended until further notice.

Snowfall rates of around one inch per hour are expected this morning into early afternoon. Prepare to answer the question, “Can I go outside now?” by 9 a.m., and again at 11 a.m., 12 noon, 1 p.m., 2 p.m., and 3 p.m. Accumulations of four to six repeats of this question are expected.

ADDITIONAL DETAILS:

Winds gusting as high as 50 mph will cause areas of blowing and drifting snow. Your child(ren) will begin to announce, “I’m bored” at 8 a.m., and this will continue to occur on an hourly basis throughout the day.

PRECAUTIONARY/PREPAREDNESS ACTIONS:

Prepare to not find those snow pants or ice skates you bought last year and were 100 percent sure were in the closet in the hallway. Although you probably just bought your child(ren) many holiday presents, which you thought would entertain them, they are already bored with them and will instead want to play video games and/or watch movies for hours on end.

You should expect to get approximately 10 percent of the work done you’d hoped to get done. Expect to be interrupted approximately every 30 minutes with requests for snacks.

HELPFUL TIPS:

  • Stay indoors during the storm – at least until you absolutely can’t take it anymore and cave and take your kid(s) outside in a blizzard.
  • Walk and drive carefully on icy sidewalks and roads. Normally, you wouldn’t drive or walk anywhere in this weather, but you will be searching for a big hill on which to go sledding.
  • When shoveling snow, question your decision to forego buying a snow blower and try to figure out at what age children can help with snow shoveling.
  • If you lose feeling and color in your extremities, it’s time to break out the hard liquor.

Remember, a Winter Storm and Boredom Warning means severe weather and boredom are occurring. If you experience a Boredom Emergency, do NOT call 9-1-1. You’re on your own.

Good luck in there and godspeed.

Sincerely,

The Parents Weather Service (PWS)

This post was first published on Parent.Co

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About the Author

Janine Annett lives in a house full of piles of books, with her husband, son, dog, and very old cat. Her writing has appeared in the New York Times, McSweeney’s Internet Tendency, the Establishment, and other places.