Self-care as a parent is hard to come by. We’re short on time, energy, money, and – oh, we’ve also got these tiny growths attached to our limbs called children. Once you have kids, alone time begins to live in the same world as mermaids, unicorns, and witches that eat children (although, as a mom, I’ve been tempted to eat my young
at least once a day on a few occasions).
Self-care takes on a whole new look when you become a parent. It’s no longer fancy trips abroad to “discover yourself” alongside Tibetan monks, vaginal steaming (thanks, GOOP), massages, or facials. Unless you consider being coughed on by a sick child who has just taken a bite of mashed potatoes a facial.
If your self-care game leaves a little, or a lot (gestures towards your overgrown lady garden) to be desired, or you realize self-care has taken on a new look since becoming a parent, you’ll enjoy these memes by funny parents of the internets.
1. Ask me how I achieved this radiant glow
No, I didn’t just get back from a trip to Mexico or use self-tanner; that’s actually Goldfish residue set with the glamorous sweat + saliva + ebola film that constantly coats my child’s hands.
2. Yeah, selfing doesn’t happen
Who am I? What day is it? What’s a shower? How many days have I been wearing this outfit? If anyone ever gives you shit for smelling like stale cheese, just tell them you’re suffering child-induced amnesia.
If you see a parent doing this in their car in the parking lot of a grocery store and there are no children with her, just let her be. This is her idea of #goals.
4. The bathroom is sacred now
Bathrooms become the entryway to Narnia once you become a parent. You have a valid excuse for going in there if you need a second to scream, and there are cabinets to hide snacks in. Also, a mirror to socialize with an adult. With yourself. Shut up, it counts!
5. Damned right, it does
Sometimes the best self-care is finally letting yourself succumb to that crushing wave of everything falling apart around you. Then you pick up whatever pieces you can find and build.
6. At least I’m organized
Balance your crippling self-doubt with healthy shit. Like putting stalks of celery in your water as a garnish. Or flogging yourself with them because life is a sham.
7. You surf, bro?
Yeah, I surf, if you consider eternally scrolling the bowels of Netflix for something that will tranquilize dart my fucking brain in cinematic form surfing.
8. It’s so warm in here
Being in warm, confined places helps when you’re in a moment of mental crises.
9. These are a few of my favorite things
If your answer is no, we can’t be friends.
10. My kind of checklist
A kitten dispenser and sleeping bag made of cheesecake that I need to eat my way out of sound very, very good right now.
Mom jokes and a blanket fort are self-care af.
12. See no evil
Not on my watch *puts on a sleeping mask*
13. Do what you can
Fit self-care in whenever you can. Your life literally depends on it.
14. Heaven, I’m in Heaven
Self-care is not one-size-fits-all.
15. Don’t judge
The dishes can wait. Or I can do them by putting them in my bubble bath and activating my scrub bubbles by farting on them.
16. This is my therapy ice cream
Sometimes you find support in things like sugar and dairy.
17. Coping mechanisms
I’m not procrastinating, I’m getting my self-care in, dammit!
18. I’ll fit that right in…
Oh, look, I have a little time for a mani/pedi right between “fuck” and “you.”
19. The best self-care
Never forget that you’re a badass doing everything you can, that it’s okay to crumble, we all do, and that you’re not alone.
Who are your go-to moms or dads, online or in real life, to shoot an, “OMGGGGGGGG……” message to? Because one of the best self-care methods I’ve discovered as a parent is humor. Add a little laugh to someone’s day by hitting that share button. We’re all in this shit show together.