Falling in love is easy, but being married is hard. It doesn’t matter how much you love someone — the pressures of real life and the fact that you AND your spouse are both annoying as fuck makes marriage no easy task.
However, there are some ways to keep the spark alive as a married couple. You’ve probably heard the advice not to go to bed angry, but that’s a pile of horseshit. Go to bed furious and let your silence be a statement! Stay mad forever if you need to. All that’s important is being right.
If you were to ask people their best marriage advice, you’d hear a wide variety of things. Some would say to prioritize sex, and some would say to have regular date nights. Some would say to let your partner be right (gross) and some would say to hide all your anger deep deep inside you (wut).
The truth is, there is no single bit of marriage advice that will work for everyone. Every marriage is as different as every person. That’s why other people’s marriages can be perplexing as hell. Almost as perplexing as your own!
That being said, there’s something fun about hearing the little tidbits that can help keep the love alive. Not all marriage advice is created equal, but some of it is funny as hell. Let’s hear what the funny folks of Twitter have to say about keeping your marriage solid!
17 Marriage Advice Tweets To Keep The Love Alive
1. He’ll go WILD!
Surprise your husband with a romantic date. This time, instead of ending up at Home Depot, switch it up. Take him to the urologist for a vasectomy consultation.
— Sara Says Stop Scaring Me (@PetrickSara) March 8, 2018
2. Marriage is a long game, baby
A good spouse doesn't complain about watching their partner's stupid shows. A good spouse looks up spoilers online then slowly and strategically makes what appear to be highly astute observations about characters & plotlines, planting seeds that may not bloom for several seasons.
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) August 12, 2019
3. OK this is true though
The secret to a happy marriage is making sure you're both on your phones at the same time.
— Ramblin Mama (@ramblinma) September 15, 2016
4. SPARK FIRED
One way to keep the spark alive in your marriage is by buying your wife a banana smoothie after you’ve paid zero attention the past 14 years to know she hates bananas.
— Julie Burton (@ksujulie) September 30, 2018
5. Couple #goals
My marriage is built on a solid foundation of us punching up each other's jokes for various social media platforms over the last 10 years.
— Lauren Mullen (@DraggingFeeties) August 9, 2016
6. Harmonious as fuck
Successful marriages are ones where spouses balance each other out, like yin and yang.
Take mine for example, I’m always right, and my husband is always wrong. Balance.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) January 24, 2018
7. That escalated quickly
Happy wife, happy life.
Sad wife, murder.
— S A R A B U C K L E Y (@nottheworstmom) September 8, 2018
8. You’re goddamn right you do
Marriage means sometimes you have to apologize for something you did in another person's dream.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) May 9, 2017
9. Isn’t love grand
And I promise to kick you under the table at social events when your RBF is too obvious.
— The 21st Century SAHM (@21stcenturysahm) February 2, 2017
10. Always maintain an air of mystery
My husband isn't sure why I'm angry, so I guess you could say we keep the mystery alive even after 10 years of marriage.
— Sara Says Stop Scaring Me (@PetrickSara) August 28, 2015
11. Consistency is key
Marriage is about finding that special someone to disagree with about the room temperature until you die.
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) May 21, 2016
12. Or assembling IKEA furniture
Pre-marital counseling should include loading a moving truck together.
— Not The Worst Marriage (@ntworstmarriage) September 28, 2019
13. Things are ticking away nicely
The key to a successful marriage is letting things go. I've started with myself.
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) February 26, 2019
14. Challenge accepted!
A great way to test the stability of your marriage is to take a trip to the hamster-maze of IKEA together when you only need 2 things. See if you’re more annoyed by the extra useless trinkets your spouse wants to buy, or more annoyed with the slow-walking people in front of you.
— Goldfish and Chicken Nuggets (@gfishandnuggets) February 11, 2019
15. WHO’S THE GOODEST BOI
Keep the magic alive in a marriage by baby-talking to the dog until your spouse is visibly agitated
— Ally (@TragicAllyHere) December 17, 2017
Accidentally spiced up my marriage by playing footsie with my wife when I was really just trying to get the crayon that my kid dropped under the table
— The Dad (@thedad) June 3, 2019
17. *blushes happily*
Marriage pro tip: When your wife comes home from the store and shows you what she bought, you better make sounds like you're watching fireworks.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) December 21, 2017
Oh, Twitter. Proving that although not all marriage advice is helpful or useful, at least some of it’s funny!
If you had a laugh, then share a laugh! Smash that share button like it’s your husband’s favorite sports-themed lamp that you just can’t seem to get rid of.