By Jennifer Weedon Palazzo of MomCaveTV
My oldest child is 8 years old. Game of Thrones is about to premiere Season 8. Coincidence? I think not. Because along the way, I’ve learned that parenting is just like Game of Thrones.
GOT is one of the few shows that both my husband and I enjoy together. It has everything we each could want—action, sex, nudity, period costumes and hairstyles, fantasy, dragons, sex, nudity… All of it. And, we are living our very own Game of Thrones. It’s a season that never ends, and it’s called parenting.
*Warning: this post contains spoilers for the past 7 seasons of Game of Thrones. If you haven’t seen it, watch it! You won’t be sorry.
1. Don’t raise little assholes.
We as parents have one job in life, and that’s to not raise little Joffreys.
2. You are being manipulated by a brilliant person half your height.
Tiny but brilliant.
3. There’s a lot of wine involved.
The battle for the Iron Throne and parenting requires much wine.
4. There’s an insane amount of full frontal nudity.
Men, women, hotties, and not-so-hotties all get totally naked in GOT.
5. At the end of the day, we feel how Melisandre looks without her broach.
Having kids ages you. Like a LOT.
6. Your baby daddy shouldn’t be your brother.
This should be a given, but in case you were thinking of it. (And while GOT later accepts aunt and nephew relations, I also suggest steering clear of those.)
7. You don’t have to give birth to be a mother.
Daenerys shows us that you don’t have to physically give birth to be a mother. Whether you birthed them, adopted them, used a surrogate, or married their dad…. you’re still their mom.
8. You’re never alone in the throne room.
Don’t forget to lock the bathroom door. A kid always gets in. And in Tywin’s case, that kid kills him. (See also: don’t play favorites with your kids!)
9. Kids don’t keep promises.
We make our kids promise things. And then they don’t DO them. It’s infuriating when we are only trying to protect them. Bran would be walking today if he’d just LISTENED TO HIS MOTHER.
10. Kids will tattle.
11. Kids are like White Walkers.
Just when you think you’ve put the kids to bed they rise back up for a cup of water, another kiss or to wreak more havoc.
12. Bedtime is the WORST.
You can have a great day but it all goes to hell at bedtime.
13. No one ever feels “ready” to be a parent.
14. We are all Jon Snow—we know nothing.
Ygritte is right. We know nothing. There’s no parenting manual that comes with our babies. We simply figure shit out as we go along, and hope it’s right.
15. We are ALL mothers of dragons.
We are all Mothers of Dragons. Half empowered and half terrified they are going to burn this place to the ground.
This post was originally published on MomCaveTV.
About the Author
Jennifer Weedon Palazzo is the creator of MomCaveTV.com, an online network of snarky comedies for moms including Slummy Mummy, Slacker Mom, Double Leche, Blabbermom, and MomCave LIVE. When she’s not writing about the funny side of being a mom for sites like Scary Mommy and Mamalode, Jennifer can be found eating Reese’s Cups while furiously bidding on vintage clothing on eBay. After 18 years as a Manhattan-ite, she now lives in the Berkshires with her husband, Evan, bandleader of The Hot Sardines and their two kids. Follow her on Twitter @MomCaveTV, Facebook, and visit https://www.youtube.com/MomCave.