So tonight was a bust (RIP), that doesn't mean that there aren't brighter tomorrows in store for your undercarriage.
Humor Sex and Relationships SPM/MM Tweets

Hilarious Tweets From People Who Are Definitely NOT Getting Lucky Tonight

As a collective, we humans are stressed TF out these days. Economic instability, fears about the virus, and civil unrest have made the energy stank as fuck. You know what’s great for relieving stress? A little trip round to orgasm-town!

That being said, there are more than a few fucking reasons that make it so that sex is just another fucking chore that you probably won’t get around to today. It’s falling somewhere in between doing that massive pile of laundry and trying your best to develop as a person.

Not this year, fam.

There are myriad reasons why you probably aren’t getting your rocks off tonight or anytime soon. Maybe it’s kids, maybe it’s that you’re sick and tired of looking at your partner after being in quarantine for months. Maybe it’s because you’re single and too exhausted from reading the news to reach for your vibrator.

Whatever the reason, have a nice rest tonight because it’s the only action your bed is gonna see tonight.

10 Tweets From People Who Are Definitely NOT Getting Lucky Tonight

1. Please don’t touch me, the screams are still echoing in my brain.

2. It’s looking like a multi-phase process that isn’t seeking any feedback or complaints at this time.

3. When one door closes, just give up man!


4. Turn him down, but make it jaunty.

5. She had me in that first half, not gonna lie.

6. First of all, how dare you?!

7. It’s bare minimum contributing to the household, at best.


8. Looking like family hour is off the table then.

9. If this doesn’t make you twitch downstairs, then nothing will.

10. Looks like another restful night, FML.

Nighty-night and better luck next time, champ!

So if tonight is a bust (RIP), that doesn’t mean that there aren’t brighter tomorrows in store for your undercarriage. Just keep your chin up, your vibes high (LOL), and pray to Cthulhu or whatever other Gods you have that Covid will take a hard right into Fuckoffsville so you can get the babysitter back, take yourselves out for a two-can-dine special and have a wee flop-around on the couch some Saturday in the near-future. Fingers crossed, pal!