Woman Remembers Password on First Try, Is Hospitalized for Tests


This is the age where passwords are numerous and the media attention on making sure your passwords are strong enough, brave enough, and downright impossible to remember is fierce.

No two passwords should be the same. No kids’ names. No birth dates. No using the word vagina. There are a lot of rules.

The increasingly difficult passwords we are all recommended to retrieve is why area resident Phoebel Mined was so surprised to enter her banking site this morning on the first try.

“I got into the bank website and was staring at the screen, stunned, waiting for a second try. That is when I received an email that my bank account had been compromised,” Mrs. Mined stated.

The bank confirmed the existence of a fraud detection service that alarms them when customers remember passwords on the first try.

A bank representative told us, “It just never happens, so we started the program to protect our patrons. We would like Mrs. Mined to come into a branch when she is feeling better for a free pen to compensate her for her troubles,” the unnamed representative continued.

“I am totally dumbfounded,” Mrs. Mined confessed. “I have never been able to get it on the first try. Where are my keys and what day is it?” she continued from the ambulance.

Mrs. Mined was on her way to emergency to undergo extensive testing to determine the cause of her sudden password retention.

At Baltimore General, Doctor Brian Pharte had this to say.

“The brain is a complicated organ. Sometimes surges in electrical impulses can cause dramatic decreases in productivity or, as in Mrs. Mined’s case, dramatic increases.”

He continued with, “We have not ruled out serious brain issues like tumors, aneurysms or even Alzheimer’s Disease.” Dr. Pharte then excused himself to attend to his patient.

The Mined family is understandably concerned.

“I can’t figure out what happened,” Don Mined, Phoebel’s husband told reporters. “She has everything written down in code so that even she can’t decipher it.” He stood with head in hands. “I just hope she is going to be OK,” he continued before breaking down into tears.

At press time, we tried to determine Mrs. Mined’s updated condition. According to the Mined children, the Wi-Fi at the hospital sucks, but their mother is resting comfortably.

Mrs. Mined is expected to recover fully with regular brain training treatments. For now, the code book she used to write down her passwords has been given to the CIA for analysis and decoding. We wish Phoebel the best with her recovery.


About the Author

Kristine Laco shares her stories at with a splash of sarcasm and a pinch of bitch. She lives in the Toronto area and is a stay-at-home mother of two kids aged 14 and 12 and a fur-baby. Her middle finger is her favorite. You can find more from her on Facebook and Twitter.