By Jill Morgenstern of Do Try This at Home
Amanda Cooper, age 37, of Pearland, Texas, surprised local restaurant patrons as she proposed to her Lexapro. “They say that all antidepressants work the same, but I’m convinced that Lexapro is really special. We were made for each other,” Cooper told reporters.
“It was so romantic the way she got down on one knee with the tiny pill in her palm!” swooned Anna Anderson, their waitress. “We get a lot of exciting events in here. We had a 100th birthday party last month and even a 50th anniversary party. But this is the first time someone has proposed to their medication since Old Bill Jensen proposed to his nitroglycerin pills in 1973.”
Other employees and waitstaff were less enthusiastic. “These things never work out in the long run,” grumbled William Easton, also of Pearland. “They say they want a lifelong commitment, but at the first sign of trouble, they go running for Zoloft or Prozac. I’ve heard that as many as 42% of these relationships end in divorce. It’s scandalous. And it’s not good for business. People think of this as a wholesome restaurant.”
“It’s polygamy is what it is!” agreed Eason’s wife Crystal. “People are just so fickle. Besides, Amanda Cooper already has a husband!”
Patrons of the restaurant have had mixed feelings. “I’m happy for her!” gushed one bystander who wished to remain anonymous. “I would love to have that kind of relationship with my antidepressant, but ours is more conflict ridden because of the side effects.” Others were skeptical but wished Cooper well. “I don’t know. I can understand how when a relationship is really working, you want to make a commitment to show your feelings. I just hope it works out for them.”
Cooper’s husband, Christopher Cooper, declined to comment. “He doesn’t mind that much, though,” said the bride-to-be. “At first, the polygamy thing bothered him quite a bit, but ever since he figured out what a good role model I’m being for the kids, he’s been really supportive.”
About the Author
Jill Morgenstern is a wife, mother, and teacher. She has four kids ages 27 to three, 13 years of teaching experience, and a Master’s Degree in Teaching Reading, yet reserves the right to be wrong about everything. She writes about food, family, and the ridiculous at Do Try This at Home. You can also find her on Facebook and Twitter.