research that would make even the most scientifically-illiterate Chad want to throw out his axe body spray to protect his BDE swagger (giggety)
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Toxins Are F*cking With Human Dong Size

Obviously we’re fucking up our planet with our arrogant human bullshittery, and yet there are still those among us that are in denial of this fact, a slap in the face to the future generations that may or may not get a chance to even exist, given the dire situation.

As it tends to go with things like this, people just never fucking listen until we hit ’em where it hurts – for example, the genitals!

Dr. Shanna H. Swan is a reproductive and environmental epidemiologist who’s found a frightening link between environmental chemicals and toxins and declining sperm counts and dong sizes. In her book Count Down: How Our Modern World Is Threatening Sperm Counts, Altering Male and Female Reproductive Development, and Imperiling the Future of the Human Race, she reviews research that would make even the most scientifically-illiterate Chad want to throw out his axe body spray to protect his BDE swagger (giggety).

According to Swan, “The current state of reproductive affairs can’t continue much longer without threatening human survival… Of five possible criteria for what makes a species endangered, only one needs to be met; the current state of affairs for humans meets at least three.”

Her research shows startling differences in male and female fertility over the past few decades, as well as a reduction in the size and volume of the male penis and testicles. The cause?

Environmental pollution and chemicals and additives in our food and personal care products. We truly do live a toxic life in modern times.

She also found that the length of the beloved taint (the area between the genitals and the anus, a.k.a. the “Nacho” since it’s nacho genitals, and it’s nacho asshole) is shortening due to exposure to chemicals in the womb. This area is known by researchers to play an important role in fertility.

In the modern world, we’re so inundated with chemicals and pollutants that it can be difficult to even know how to begin limiting the exposure.

Swan’s findings show that chemicals that are implicated in dwindling fertility rates include BPA, phthalate, parabens, and atrazine. These can be found in, well, a LOT of things (think plastics, toothpaste, etc.).


Although the wiener size thing is concerning, the real issue here is the survival of our species.

With fertility rates going down so fast and the differences in anatomy being so prevalent, there’s genuine reason to worry that we’re just not gonna make it and end up in a weird Children of Men-type scenario.

Although to be fair, perhaps we deserve such a thing if this is the way we’re treating not only the planet, but our own species.