The New Toy Pyramid

The New Toy Pyramid

By Science of Parenthood

ORLANDO—Ask about the best toys for children, and any Vegas bookie worth his pinkie ring would give heavy odds that those toys that keep a kid quiet, out of traffic, and away from the matches will receive high marks from frazzled parents looking for fifteen minutes of peace between work and dinnertime to pay bills, answer emails, and plan that enchanting Instagram-ready family vacation to be featured on next year’s holiday cards.

That’s why video game systems were invented.

Surprisingly, though, some in the parenting trenches believe toys should do more than distract kiddos from otherwise playing chicken on their bikes with the neighbors’ cars.

That is why the ad hoc cooperative group Families for Unplugging Captive Kids from Internet Technology (or F.U.C.K.I.T.) devised a new Toy Pyramid as part of its “get-the-hell-back-to-basics” play initiative:


Based on the food guide pyramid, the Toy Pyramid is aimed at peeling kids from the small screens and plugging them back into three-dimensional life. It eschews today’s digital shoot-the-zombies or catch the Pokemon games in favor of PPE toys—that is, toys that predate the Pong era.

No word yet on how moms and dads are supposed to get anything done—or form a coherent thought—with all these kids running around, playing.

Excerpted and adapted from Science of Parenthood: Thoroughly Unscientific Explanations for Utterly Baffling Parenting Situations (She Writes Press). Get a copy and receive our new e-book FREE! 


About the Author

A longtime freelance writer, Norine Dworkin-McDaniel has written for just about every women’s magazine you can buy at the newsstand. Dworkin-McDaniel is co-creator of the blog Science of Parenthood and co-author of Science of Parenthood: Thoroughly Unscientific Explanations for Utterly Baffling Parenting Situations (She Writes Press), winner of the Independent Book Publishers Association’s 2016 Gold Benjamin Franklin Award for Parenting & Family and Foreword Reviews’ 2016 Silver IndieFab Award for Humor. She’s a contributor to several humor anthologies, including Have Milk, Will Travel: Adventures In Breastfeeding (Demeter Press). She lives in Orlando with her husband and son and three spoiled house cats. 


About the Illustrator

Jessica Ziegler is Science of Parenthood‘s co-creator, illustrator and contributing writer. Her writing and illustration have been published on The Huffington Post, and In 2015 she was named a Blogher Humor Voice of the Year. Her books include the highly acclaimed The Big Book of Parenting Tweets and The Bigger Book of Parenting Tweets and the upcoming Science Of Parenthood: Thoroughly Unscientific Explanations for Utterly Baffling Parenting Situations (Nov 2015) from She Writes Press.