Beauty/Fashion Humor News/Trending SPM/MM

The Adhesive Boob Corset Is Further Proof That Clothing Designers Hate Women

Every year we see fashion fads come and go, and they almost always seem like poor decisions in retrospect. (Dresses over jeans? What the hell we were thinking?) But this year is shaping up to be the worst yet.

It started with Nordstrom. Now, I know what you’re thinking: A company that dumps Ivanka Trump’s line of “sweatshop chic” apparel can’t be all bad. Think again.

[adsanity id=”35664″ align=”aligncenter”/]

Remember when we told you about the Mom jeans with window pane “peep” knee?

Courtesy: Nordstrom

What does Nordstrom have against moms? Or jeans?

Then Nordstrom doubled down on its love for clear plastic (and apparent hate for breathability) with these stiletto foot condoms.

Courtesy: Nordstrom
[adsanity id=”35667″ align=”aligncenter”/]

Clearly (!), both of these items are more hate crime than haute couture.

Okay, so those are two wacky fashion choices, no doubt, but that’s hardly a conspiracy against women, right? What else is there?

Check out this monstrosity:

Courtesy: Choicest One
[adsanity id=”35665″ align=”aligncenter”/]

What in the hell is holding that tit corset in place? The website says it’s “surgical-quality re-usable adhesive,” but I’m calling bullshit on that. I tried some of those stick-on bra cups once when I wore a halter dress to my senior prom. They did not stay in place at all, not even on my perky, 18-year-old boobies. (Half a bottle of Boone’s Farm later, I ripped them off and left them in the bathroom at the Ramada Inn.)

There is no way this rope-and-pulley contraption is going to stay put on the average woman. All it’s going to take is one perimenopausal hot flash to loosen the boob glue and your knockers are going to knock someone’s eye out.

So what CAN you wear?

How about a simple t-shirt declaring your feminist proclivities for the world to read?

Feminist tshirt
Courtesy: Saks

Nothing wrong with that shirt. It’s simple, straightforward, and OH SHIT – WAIT – IT COSTS 710 AMERICAN FUCKING DOLLARS.

Seriously, I dare you to tell me we’re not being fucked with.

[adsanity id=”35666″ align=”aligncenter”/]