Sometimes fashionistas come up with designs so insane, it makes you wonder if they are living on the same planet as the rest of us. Case in point: The Shandal.
I dubbed it “The Shandal” because it is a shoe within a sandal within a sock. The Shandal puts the “hide” in hideous, but if you’re willing to part with $1,190 (and your street cred), you can buy this Gucci monstrosity at Nordstrom.
You may be thinking, “What fresh hell is this? Is Nordstrom trolling us?”
Sadly, the answer is no. This is an actual product some warped demographic of America is apparently buying. And that got us at Sammiches & Psych Meds thinking: What would possess someone to purchase the world’s fugliest footwear?
Here are 21 possible reasons:
1. You’re trying to hide your bunions, while simultaneously making them worse.
2. Your mommy never hugged you as a child and now you’re an attention whore.
3. You’ve always wanted a shoe with the sex appeal of galoshes and the comfort of stilettos.
4. You’ve run out of reasons not to pay your mortgage this month.
5. Your man has a blow-up doll fetish.
6. You have a pile of money, but you also want to look like a human condom.
7. You’re a hot mamma by day, and a crime scene cleaner by night.
8. You’re a contestant on The Bachelor and your one-on-one date includes both Salsa dancing and fly fishing.
9. You’re about to have The Sex, but you don’t want to mess up your pedicure with any body fluids.
10. Your feet are gnarly AF, but you still want to rock an open-toe.
11. You used to put sandwich bags on your feet in third grade and you need a socially acceptable way to reminisce in public.
12. You’re attending a black tie event, but The Weather Channel has issued a severe storm warning.
13. You’re worried your toes might catch an STD.
14. You’re trying for the Guiness world record of World’s Smelliest Feet.
15. You need something to wear with your plastic mom jeans.
16. Two words: Clown Hooker.
17. You are trying to rub it in that Nordstrom is carrying these eyesores over Ivanka Trump designs.
18. You’re trying a new foot mask and ran out of saran wrap.
19. Jelly shoes are coming back in style for the 20th time, but they cut your feet so you have to think outside the box.
20. You’re a surgeon who needs sterile footwear, but also wants to look like Sesame Street’s new prostitute character.
21. You need to buy a sex toy for your foot fetish.
Welp, those are all the reasons we can possibly come up with to justify Gucci’s latest abomination. Feel free to add your own in the comments.
Lola Lolita, Tina Steele, and Kristina Johnson also contributed to this post.