Life News/Trending SPM/MM

Swiss Government Says Coffee “Not Essential to Life,” Plans to Quit Stockpiling Emergency Reserves

The Swiss government has determined coffee is “not essential to life,” prompting them to plan to discontinue storing it for emergency purposes. I know what you’re probably thinking, and NO, this one is NOT satire.

According to BBC, Switzerland has been stockpiling coffee in case of emergency since between World Wars I and II to be used in the event of shortage due to war, natural disaster, or epidemic, but the country has recently determined that because coffee contains nearly zero calories, it is not essential to physiological survival. As a result, they plan to discontinue storing it by 2022.

[adsanity id=”35664″ align=”aligncenter”/]

I’m not sure who’s on the committee responsible for making these decisions, but I think they need to be fired immediately. Coffee is ABSOLUTELY essential to life. Just ask all the people who are still living after encountering me in the mornings thanks to coffee.

I, for one, was not aware that Switzerland was hoarding coffee in the first place, but now that I know, I can confidently say that is a damn brilliant idea nobody should mess with. And I think it’s fair to say a lot of Swiss agree with me.

[adsanity id=”35667″ align=”aligncenter”/]

The people of Switzerland love them some coffee, it would seem, consuming approximately 20 pounds of it per person per year. This is in stark contrast to the British, who consume approximately 7 pounds per person per year. (What about tea, though? I’m guessing they consume far more tea than that.) Americans, on the other hand, have been on an upward trend in terms of coffee consumption in recent years, consuming approximately 9 pounds of coffee per person per year. (Really? I honestly thought it’d be more.)

All this to say, mess with their coffee, and there’s no telling what might happen.

[adsanity id=”35665″ align=”aligncenter”/]

For their part, 12 of the 15 companies responsible for stockpiling coffee in the country have objected to the proposed measure to discontinue the practice. According to Reuters, Reservesuisse, the organization responsible for overseeing coffee hoarding, has stated that “weighting of calories as a main criteria for a vital staple did not do justice to coffee.”

Amen to that.

[adsanity id=”35666″ align=”aligncenter”/]

The Swiss government is expected to make a final decision on the matter in November following a period of open public commentary.

Let’s hope they make the right choice.