By Shya Gibbons of Vintage Dreams With A Modern Twist
With nicknames to keep their identities secret, the following women have finally completed work that will explain the inexplicable: Why do men have blinders on when it comes to objects at home?
The team had the following top agents working on it, day in and day out. June Bug, Penelope, Juniper, Willow, and Periwinkle have been hard at work to figure out what makes male brains different.
Penelope said that the project started in the mid-80s. At that point it was headed by the top male scientists in the field, but they went out to lunch one day and forgot to resume work on it when they got back to the office.
“They just came back, looked around for a few seconds like they knew they had forgotten something, but then went on to try to figure out how to naturally enlarge breasts instead. That is when we picked it up,” Penelope explained.
“We have been doing surveys, studies, and in-field research to find out why men don’t see things at home even if they are right in front of their eyes. We finally figured out they are missing a specific genome which we labeled: WhatIDidNotEvenNoticeIt or WIDNENI (WID-NEN-I) for short,” June Bug said.
“The biggest WIDNENI example in our house is the overflowing garbage; he says he does not notice it, but it is literally falling all out of the garbage can and stacked on the sides of the garbage. I have been banned from taking the garbage out after I started a small fire once.”
“In our house it is toilet paper rolls. Once a toilet paper roll is empty, I replace it. Once my husband finishes a toilet paper roll, the empty carcass sits on the roll holder, where it becomes the shelf for all future rolls of toilet paper. I became so frustrated once that I held a silent protest and refused to change the roll or clean up the empty pieces of cardboard scattered about,” Willow said. “It hit eleven, ELEVEN, rolls before I finally gave in and cleaned it up. When I confronted my husband, he said he didn’t even notice them.”
“My husband is the same way,” Juniper agreed. “I will ask him to grab a condiment from the fridge. After 7.6 seconds he announces he can’t find it. When I open the fridge, it basically smacks me in the face as it is sitting front and center.”
“My husband forgets everything at the store,” Periwinkle said. “I will write a list. I will verbalize the list several times. Yet every time he comes home with chips, iced tea, and none of my items.”
“Now that we have localized what is missing, we can begin work on how to fix it. Until we can get a medication that helps connect synapses, our best advice is reminders. Text him, write a note, write a note on his hand even. If you need the garbage taken out, then tie garbage bags around his ankles as a gentle reminder,” June Bug suggested.
“We are working around the clock on this. We have not forgotten our project or what our end game is when it comes to this study. We are working diligently so no one has to deal with the nasty garbage, the empty toilet paper rolls, or the forgotten items at the store. We stand in solidarity with you and will champion hard for you. Give us time, and you will see results,” Periwinkle added.
The women are currently in the lab working hard to find a way to bring this widespread problem to the forefront, and this article is the first of many that will update their work and progress. Thank you, ladies, for working tirelessly for us.
About the Author
Shya Gibbons is a full-time CEO (also called a stay-at-home-mom) to a precocious, blue-eyed two-year-old, and runs the blog Vintage Dreams With A Modern Twist. She is happily married to a gorgeous man who doubles as her best friend, and who loves her even on her worst days. She was born, raised and still lives in a picturesque small town where she has stacked up hundreds of bylines at the local newspaper. When she is not writing for fun, she likes to cook big dinners and bake. In her free time she likes to binge watch seasons of shows at a time where she gets far too attached to fictional characters. Her work was recently featured in I Just Want To Be Perfect, the fourth book in an anthology that has been on the New York Times Best Sellers. You can find more of her work on Facebook.