By Kristine Laco of Mum Revised

When area husband Tom Fewlery woke up this morning, he got the shock of his life.

“My wife is away for work, which is fortunate. I would hate to have subjected her to this,” Mr. Fewlery shook off his obvious distress. What upset him? Early this morning during his breakfast ritual, he opened the refrigerator and found milk.

“It’s never there,” Mr. Fewlery continued. “I look every day, and I can never find it. Sure, my wife always seems to be able to locate some, but this never happened to me before.”

The milk, in a bright blue container, was, in fact, there when this reporter was shown the scene by attending officers.

“We haven’t determined how it got there,” Officer Thick continued, referring to the milk. “But it was right at eye level on the middle shelf as Mr. Fewlery called in.”

“I have to say, this is a new one,” the 20-year veteran of the force insisted. “I have been to scenes when the milk has gone missing, but I have never seen the likes of this. It is indeed troublesome,” Officer Thick added.

Mr. Fewlery had long since suspected vagrants were secretly inhabiting their suburban home and hadn’t had the motivation to call the authorities, until now.

“I called 911 to inform the police about possible hooligans,” Mr. Fewlery told me. “I need to ensure my family is safe.” So far there are no leads. The case, now dubbed The Cold Storage Caper, has a suspected 2% chance of being resolved, according to law enforcement officials.

This reporter discovered that strange things have been happening around the Fewlery’s bungalow home for years, but this is the first time anyone in the house felt compelled to call. “I would find the toilet roll full when I had left it empty, and then I would find my socks put in the laundry when I clearly left them on the floor in the living room,” he continued with discomfort. “I guess if you are going to have a vagrant living in your house without your knowledge, this is the best kind to have,” he joked.

But this occurrence is no joke. The local authorities were still dusting for prints on the family refrigerator when this reporter left the crime scene.

Most alarmingly, we interviewed several men in the neighborhood around the Fewlery home to discover this is not an isolated incident in this seemingly serene suburban area. It appears milk has been mysteriously found in the fridges of several area homes on numerous occasions. Wives have been shortsightedly intercepting the 911 calls. It was fortunate that Mr. Fewlery caught the perpetrator’s actions while his wife was away, thereby avoiding other families facing similar trauma.

In a phone interview with the victim’s wife, Mrs. Fewlery was quick to dismiss her husband’s claim of hooliganism. “Oh, for fuck’s sake. Let me guess? The milk was on the middle shelf at eye level. Like it is every day,” she said with iron-hearted frustration. She, naturally, did not understand the severity of the case and the danger her family had endured.

Mr. Fewlery was unavailable for further comment on his wife’s dismissal of the problem. We suspect the stress was all too much for him.

Related Post: Men Are Like Cats, Not Dogs (a Scientific Study by Me)

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About the Author

Kristine Laco shares her stories at MumRevised.com with a splash of sarcasm and a pinch of bitch. She lives in the Toronto area and is a stay-at-home mother of two kids aged 14 and 12 and a fur-baby. Her middle finger is her favorite. You can find more from her on Facebook and Twitter.