Growing up, I can remember the sounds my mother made when she really hit her limit and finally snapped. It was usually after someone didn’t flush or we all left our shoes everywhere or continued to walk past the overflowing garbage and step over the mountain of laundry. Those are the days she switched from regular “tidying up the house” mom to wide-eyed, pursed-lipped, stomping and fire-breathing “rage cleaning” mom.
She was scary, and I knew on those days that I had best pick something up or get the fuck out of her way. And now that I’m a mom myself, when I switch to rage cleaning mode because company is coming over and my house looks like Gremlins took over after midnight, my family fears me in the same way.
If you, too, have had smoke coming out of your ears now and then (like before your MIL visits on Thanksgiving or the new neighbor with the perfectly manicured lawn and Pottery Barn house wants to “stop by”), you can probably relate to these tweets. Hopefully you can put down the vacuum for a hot minute, take a breath, and laugh. Then we know you’ll resume muttering WTF while you scrub pee stains off the wall.
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The best way to work out on a Sunday is by rage-vacuuming while your spouse naps, which burns way more calories than regular weekday vacuuming.
— Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) April 15, 2018
Finally emptied out my Dyson canister and I think I just found a cat I never even knew we had.
— Domestic Goddess (@DomesticGoddss) August 13, 2015
Me to my children: I would kill and die for you
Also me to my children: I AM NOT YOUR DAMN MAID AND WILL BURN ALL THE SHIT ON YOUR BEDROOM FLOORS IN A MASSIVE BONFIRE AND DANCE AROUND THE FLAMES IN GLORY AND RAGE
— rabia O’chaudry (@rabiasquared) November 26, 2017
Sometimes when rage cleaning and muttering under my breath, I add a British accent, to keep things fun and lighthearted.
— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) January 9, 2017
Me: *cleaning passive aggressively around my husband, who is watching tv* “Sorry, didn’t mean to hit you with the vacuum.”
H: “No, no, you are fine. I’d help, but I don’t want to get in your way.”
Me: *starts dusting his face*
— Janina Maria (@dontlosethekids) January 11, 2018
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YOU BETTER GET OVER HERE AND CLEAN UP THIS MESS OR I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL PASSIVE AGGRESSIVELY SIGH AND PICK IT UP MYSELF.
— Lurkin’ Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) May 11, 2017
“I love my family. I love my family. I love my family…”
-me, when cleaning up after my family
— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) November 13, 2016
“Your house looks so clean!”
Me: “Oh, thank you. I just wrapped up my latest manic episode.”
— Lauren Mullen (@DraggingFeeties) April 15, 2018
Sorry for what I said while I was rage cleaning.
— Ramblin Mama (@ramblinma) March 25, 2016
Me: Don’t sweat the small stuff.
Also me: Secretly plots everyone’s demise while I rage clean.
— Difficult Mommy (@difficultmommy) February 20, 2018
How to clean before company arrives:
1) Light a scented candle.
2) Use that scented candle to set your house on fire.
— Mommy Cusses (@mommy_cusses) June 24, 2017
I wish I could be one one of those people that rage cleaned.
Instead, when I’m stressed and angry, my house ends up looking like a hoarders episode.
— Why all these kids? (@whyallthesekids) October 30, 2018
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In my 20s: What is “rage cleaning”?
In my 30s: Where is my good sponge? Where is my good sponge??? WHERE IS MY GOOD SPONGE!?!?
— Becca Carnahan (@with_love_becca) January 8, 2019
I don’t rage clean, I rage sleep. I call it the KonMarried method.
— Heather M. Jones (@hmjoneswriter) January 8, 2019
“How many calories does rage-cleaning a tub burn?” and other important questions 2019 has raised thus far.
— Mother Haggard (@MotherHaggard) January 4, 2019
Moms on tv doing laundry never look nearly as shitty or pissed as I do when I’m doing laundry.
— Hashtag MomFail (@hashtagmomfail) September 22, 2018
Rage cleaning – the type of cleaning you do the night before the professional cleaner you scheduled comes because your wife doesn’t want the person you’re paying to clean your house to ‘see how messy’ said house really is.
— Jared Bilski (@JaredBilski) January 9, 2019
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I don’t need an immaculate house. I just wish we didn’t need hazmat suits to clean before company came over.
— The 21st Century SAHM (@21stcenturysahm) November 18, 2018
There, feel better? Yeah, me neither. My house still looks like a frat party meets Paw Patrol. So I guess I’ll get back to angrily vacuuming Cheetos out from under my couch, purging old Happy Meal toys, and complaining that my family is The Disgustingtons.
Because rage-cleaning is good for the soul.
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