MockMom

Pumpkin Spice Personal Lubricant to Debut This Fall

By Abby Byrd of Little Miss Perfect

Personal lubricant manufacturer EZGlide announced yesterday that a new pumpkin-oriented product will appear in stores this October.

Spicy Pumpkin personal lubricant will deliver the quality lubrication consumers have come to expect.

“As always,” says a spokesperson for EZGlide, “it’s water-based, water-soluble, and condom-compatible, but with the subtle taste and smell of America’s favorite gourd.”

EZGlide reports that with each successive autumn, the company has been feeling pressure to meet the demands of an ever-growing pumpkin-obsessed public.

“Those women buying pumpkin lattes, pumpkin muffin mix, pumpkin candles, and pumpkin body lotion need lube just like everyone else,” said a member of the company’s marketing team. “When fall hits, we want that part of our consumer base to think, ‘The weather’s getting colder; what I really need right now is a pumpkin-flavored cock.’”

While EZGlide doesn’t expect Spicy Pumpkin personal lubricant to do well with its male demographic, the company plans to rely on an inherently female weakness for pumpkin products coupled with an inherently male weakness for going along with anything that will get them laid.

Spicy Pumpkin Warming Liquid is slated to appear next fall.

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About the Author

Abby Byrd is a teacher, a grammarian, and the poster mom for existential angst. Her work has appeared on Scary Mommy/Club Mid, In The Powder Room, BLUNTMoms, Mamalode, The Good Men Project, The Reject Pile, and The Big Jewel, as well as in two anthologies. She is a frequent contributor to MockMom. Follow her on Twitter, on Facebook, and at her blog,Little Miss Perfect.