Hey, so if you’ve been feeling young for some reason, allow me to shatter that illusion for you because Paul Rudd, hilariously handsome star of such films as Clueless; I Love You, Man; Ant Man; and Role Models is officially a big boy of 50 years.
That’s right, y’all. Paul Rudd is 50, and I may or may not have just Googled “how much for a vat of Botox to dip oneself in?”
Mr. Rudd turned the cool 5-0 this past April 6, making “over the hill” look like “I kinda wish I could be under that particular hill,” if ya know what I’m sayin’.
First of all, let me just say no way. There is no gotdamned way Paul Rudd is 50. My whole life, I have envisioned 50 as being characterized by oversized ears, crippling arthritis, and unruly nose hairs for dayyyyyyyys. Never mind the fact that I, myself, am now closer to 50 than 20. The image still remains.
I mean, did Paul Rudd find the fountain of youth and then hoard it?
Is he really a cyborg sent from an alien planet to test humanity’s gullibility?
Is he Tom Hanks from Big but all growed up now?
I need answers.
What is your skincare regimen, Paul Rudd? Is it a solid vitamin C serum? If it is, you better spill, motherfucker.
Is it a vegan lifestyle? Because if it is, that’s great for you, Paul Rudd, but I’m fine with nose hairs if I gotta give up hamberders for infinity.
Is it yoga? Goat yoga? Beer yoga? Sweary yoga? Yoga with lemurs and heavy metal music, perhaps? It’s yoga, isn’t it, Paul Rudd? I’m just trying to get my fads in order and figure out which crazy-ass shit I need to devote my life savings to, so be honest, Paul Rudd. BE HONEST.
Am I the only person who thinks Paul Rudd still pretty much looks like Paris from Baz Luhrmann’s 1996 rendition of Romeo and Juliet?
Fuck you, Paul Rudd. That was over 20 years ago. FUCK YOU.
By “fuck you,” though, Paul Rudd, I really mean “fuck me” because I’m still a solid 10 years away from 50, and I’m already rocking more of a Mick Jagger, boiled oatmeal look than your balmy, bastard baby butt look to be honest.
Seriously, though, if it’s the vitamin C serum, Paul Rudd, help a girl out. Asshole.
Love youuuuuuu. 😍♥️😘