By Kathryn Leehane of Foxy Wine Pocket
SAN JOSE—Neighborhood traffic came to a halt, and garbage dumpsters were set ablaze last weekend when a large group of sober, enraged parents rioted in the parking lot and surrounding streets of The Jungle Experience, a popular children’s party zone.
Protesting the establishment’s recent change in alcohol service, the angry moms and dads pumped signs reading, “NO BEER, NO SKEEBALL!” and shouted, “Bring back the booze! Bring back the booze! Bring back the booze!”
When asked about the motivation behind the demonstration, one mom explained: “They used to sell beer here, and now they don’t. That is the worst bait-and-switch ever in the history of children’s birthday parties.”
Another protester, who declined to be named, added, “This is an outrage. Everyone knows alcohol is what makes these places tolerable.”
While firefighters put out the dumpster fires, police officers struggled to contain the riotous crowd. Nearby store owners locked their doors and watched nervously as at least a dozen people were arrested for disorderly conduct, and one man was detained for throwing an empty flask in an officer’s face.
Meanwhile, children of all ages ran around largely unsupervised inside The Jungle Experience. The snack bar counter was smashed, and all of the candy had been stolen. Youngsters cried while a group of pre-teen thugs stole game tokens from the helpless kids. That gang later held an employee hostage as they forced him to hand out cheap toys that were a higher redemption value than the prize tickets they had.
Sadly, four birthday boys and girls wept quietly in their respective party rooms eating cold pizza while their parents fought unsuccessfully with management in the lobby.
When questioned, management defended the new policy: “The adults kept violating the Two Drink Limit and tricking our staff into serving more beer. We figured it was easier to remove the alcohol than to properly train our employees.”
Only one brave couple sat happily in the middle of the party palace. The wife explained, “Well, we decided we really wanted cake and ice cream. So we just hid some vodka inside my purse and mixed it with lemonade from the soda fountain.” These same parents have also reportedly sent in their Parents of the Year application and are anxiously awaiting a reply from the Parenting Association of America.
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About the Author
Kathryn Leehane loves to laugh and tell stories that make you spit out your drink. She pens the humor blog, Foxy Wine Pocket, and has contributed to several anthologies and a dozen popular collaborative web sites, including Redbook Magazine, Erma Bombeck Writers’ Workshop, The Huffington Post, and Scary Mommy. Follow the shenanigans on Facebook and Twitter.