By Joanna McClanahan of Ramblin’ Mama

Apple has officially announced the iPhone 7 and 7 Plus. The new iPhone features a dual camera system, stereo speakers, water resistance, and is expected to help customers lose real-life friends even faster than previous models.

The iPhone 7 does not have a headphone jack, which will certainly amplify every user’s douchiness in public spaces.

It may look similar to previous models, but it has a glossy, mirrored finish. The new color is called ‘Jet Black’ and is much blacker than the ‘Space Black’ of years past.

Apple also says the new phones have “the longest battery life ever of an iPhone.” The 7 will last two hours longer than the 6S, while the 7 Plus gains an hour over the 6S Plus. The increased battery life will give users more time to ignore their real-life friends or waste everyone’s time by asking Siri stupid questions.

Apple says the new phone will be available for purchase on September 16th, and they are encouraging customers to pre-order this week if they want what’s left of their friends and family to exclude them for the holiday season.

The iPhone 7 and 7 Plus are both set to self-destruct when the iPhone 8 becomes available for purchase.

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About the Author

Joanna McClanahan is an Editor at MockMom. She’s also a Contributor at Sammiches & Psych Meds and has been published on Scary Mommy. You can find more from her on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.