He may fool the rest of the world, but he does not fool me.

I have watched him from behind the scenes for far too long. With the curtain closed, he is his truest self with comfort and ease.

Gone is the man who swallows his pride to save face on the job when he walks through the door after work. Lost is the charm he puts on to play the role of dependable employee, honorable husband, good father, great man in the public’s eye. He thinks he has his performance wrapped up tightly, but I know better. I’ve only seen this act about a half billion times or so by now.

From an outsider’s perspective, he could be any hard-working man.

He gets up every day and makes it to work with time to spare – a feat I admire greatly as I am the queen of tardiness. A model employee, you see a man who is highly respected by friends, family, and co-workers alike. There is no doubt about the loyalty and dedication he gives to his position with his company and the family he cares for.

If only the same were true of the relationships he has in his life.

For some time now, he’s been distancing himself from those who love him unconditionally and offer the greatest support. It’s become harder and harder to find time to spend without him being preoccupied.

The secrets he desperately tries to hide from everyone else come across crystal clear to someone like me; someone who has lived through it firsthand. They are as blatantly obvious to me as the sun rising and setting every day. It pains me to see him hide the truth from his own self, praying his illness will go away if he just ignores it enough. There is no escaping an addiction, however. Denying the fact is getting him nowhere fast. He ignores suggestions of therapy to update his outdated coping tools and mechanisms and maintain a healthy mental balance. Instead, he trips over the same nail he can’t seem to hit on the head with the antiquated devices in his toolbox, letting sobriety slip by the wayside with such stubborn resolve.

He is too good a man to live this way, but he does. He is someone’s son, husband, and father, and he is an addict.

You see, one doesn’t have to be a falling down wino or toothless crackhead to be an addict.

It doesn’t even have to be narcotics or illegal drugs or alcohol that one is addicted to, either. The disease leaves him chasing after something—anything—to keep feeling the rush of the momentary high which numbs his darkest insecurities—and anything that creates such a feeling for someone can be considered an addiction.

Normal is boring and just won’t do.

This guy’s once effervescent personality has been snuffed out as he self-medicates his growing sense of internal rage and overanxious state of mind.

The medicines prescribed to him should be taken as they are written, not at his will. Instead of dealing with the emotions and triggers causing him to snap into a hostile mood, he pops a handful of pills to wash it all away. Most times the pills are enough to calm his intensity down a few notches, but there are also times where he only seems to get angrier by the minute.

His pattern of behavior is slowly generating a Jekyll and Hyde personality where a happy-go-lucky man once stood. Though his medication isn’t addictive in and of itself, the self-medicating outside of doctor’s orders is dangerous territory and can destroy his life in the blink of an eye. There are better ways to handle this mental illness than drowning its symptoms with medication, but this guy is in denial.

He is a self-medicating addict.

Another man’s phone sends alerts all damn day long. Not to mention his nose is glued to his phone screen, as he continuously scans for decent plays to bid and open tables he can sweep.

When the wife does his laundry, money order receipts come spilling out of his pockets, revealing where all the family’s vacation fund has gone. This guy would rather chase pennies over a multi-billion dollar sports entertainment enterprise or casino jackpot for the thirty-seconds-aberrational-feel-good rush it brings–if he even wins—than chase his children around the yard or his poor wife’s fleeting affection. He talks incessantly about poker games and soccer scores, about referees being bought to throw games or apps rigging their games so the dealer always wins on the river card.

When it all boils down, he is a gambling addict.

Still another man chases possessions. Despite the full load of responsibilities in trying to make ends meet for his family, there are an awful lot of packages coming to the door at this man’s home. The UPS and Fedex people know him so well, they recognize him out in public, away from their jobs. It seems he has the impulse control of a 6-year-old child; he wants allthethings and he wants them as soon as he can get away with dipping into the budget. It does not matter who else in the family needs what—he prioritizes his desires above everyone else’s necessities to get his way.

Everything he does revolves around the shipment schedule of his orders. Flashlights, colognes, workout supplements, and sunglasses pile up inside. This guy doesn’t seem to care about what his family goes without or loses an opportunity over because of his purchases. He is a shopping addict.

There are so many others dealing with their own struggles — everything from food to exercise to sex.

Addiction doesn’t discriminate, nor is it a one-size-fits-all mental illness.

Without a treatment plan charting the course of recovery, addiction cannot be overcome. Why? Because it is a mental illness—a lifelong partnership with a brain that runs on a mostly off-roading course instead of the smoothly paved track the average brain does.

He has to take care of his mental health like any other chronic disease. Like congestive heart failure, diabetes, rheumatoid arthritis, or even other mental illnesses like depression and bipolar. It is important to stay up-to-date with the most current information and treatment solutions, finding new ways to manage symptoms, approach triggers, and instill good communication practices with overseeing physicians is the only way he will stay ahead of the disease’s progression.

Addiction requires lifelong monitoring and support—even during times of sobriety.

Right now, he is spiraling slowly downward into murky waters. He is sick and needs professional help. I cannot stand by and watch a good man self-destruct any further. Not for a second. So please, I am begging this man to look hard at his reflection tonight and find a way to see what I see. What his loved ones see. What his friends, family, and co-workers see.

His family needs him to stay strong more than ever to get past this. He has unlimited support surrounding him, wanting to help him stand tall and proud once more.

It’s not his last curtain call yet—there’s plenty of scene left to get a standing ovation for the performance of a lifetime. So do it, already, dude. Get the help needed to end this act with humility and grace instead of treacherous pain. Please.

A good man can recover from addiction and still save face—and it starts with the admittance that he has a mental illness and needs to maintain treatment for as long as he lives.

They say it takes a great man to do great things—so be great and reach out for help right now.

This post was originally posted on The Good Men Project.