By Joanna McClanahan of Ramblin’ Mama
Step 1) Look it up on Urban Dictionary
The first thing you need to know about being old and understanding slang is that Urban Dictionary is your new best friend. Bookmark it, but remember that some of its content is not safe for work, or “NSFW,” as the millennials say. For example, don’t search for “Flaming Poodle” from your work computer. Learn from my mistake.
Apparently, “stay woke” is derived from “stay awake” and means to keep informed in times of turmoil.
Step 2) Try to understand why people don’t just say “stay awake” then
Why does slang always have to include such terrible grammar? This is what happens when you give kids participation trophies. They think the rules don’t apply to them.
Step 3) Figure out if it’s okay for white people to use
Tread carefully here. I’m still not sure about the answer to this one.
Step 4) Pretend to know what’s going on in the world
“Like” lots of articles on Facebook and comment (you don’t have to actually read them!). Use the sad-face emoji as much as possible. Better yet, replace all your words with emojis. This will get people’s attention and keep them guessing. What does a tiny picture of manicured nails have to do with Steve Bannon as Chief Strategist? Who knows? Maybe it will make someone think you know what you’re talking about or that you even know who Steve Bannon is.
Step 5) Step up your outrage
Sure, you tried to avoid discussing politics before the election, but that’s arguably what got us is into this mess. So now you’ll have to do much more actual arguing. Be sure to channel your guilt and aggression into things like long-winded social media rants and demanding your friends call their congressmen for about two weeks, give or take.
Step 6) Stay outraged
Remember that nothing is normal, or “nothing is normal AF,” as the kids say. How will people know you’re staying woke if you don’t consistently send them links to unverified news articles that support your opinions? Be sure to post liberalordie.biz articles on everything from vaccines to 911 conspiracies. BE VIGILANT.
Step 7) Let the outrage consume you
This is who you are now; you are officially woke. I’m pretty sure that means you can never sleep again, so I suggest investing heavily in coffee and NoDoz. You may also need some sort of blood pressure medication for your newfound sense of rage. Enjoy!
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About the Author
Joanna McClanahan is an Editor at Mock Mom. She’s also a Contributor at Sammiches & Psych Meds and has been published on Scary Mommy. You can find more from her on RamblinMama.com, Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.