By Mindi Wisman

I recently overheard a mom at the park talking about how her husband refused to change diapers because it was so disgusting and I thought, “Really? Changing messy diapers is at the top of his list of things he finds hard as a parent? REALLY?” Because, I’ve got to be honest, when I think of all the things that I find difficult and gross about parenting, dirty diapers isn’t even on the damn list. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying I enjoy diaper changes, but in the grand scheme of parenting “oh, hell no”s, it really doesn’t rate for me. So, what is on my list? Here are my top three if you’re feeling brave.

Number One. And Number Two:

Many people have a breeze of a time potty-training their kids; it’s done in a weekend and sure, there might be a few accidents here or there, but overall it’s not a big deal. This has not been the case for us.

Our son has been out of diapers for two years but still regularly poops his pants. Yes, I have been cleaning poop out of underpants for TWO YEARS. It’s nothing medical or physical; it’s simply a case of my incredibly strong-willed son exercising his right to be as challenging as he can be.

We’ve tried everything, from sticker charts to chocolate to ski trips as motivation, but he continues to put up a fight and it is incredibly, unbelievably frustrating. Nearly everything I’ve read and almost everyone I’ve talked to says to remain positive and encouraging with him, but holy crap is that ever hard to do. Changing my daughter’s blueberry-poop-filled diapers is a magical unicorn Lisa Frank dream compared to cleaning up my son’s poop from his underpants, pants, legs, socks—you name it, it’s been covered in poop. So yeah, dirty diapers? NOT ON THE LIST.

All Creatures Great and Small:

If you’re anything like me, you prefer your bugs and non-domesticated animals to live outside. Not inside your house. Or inside your kid. YES, REALLY.

I don’t really even want to type the word, but this was something I wasn’t prepared for as a parent, so maybe there are others out there who need this warning: worms. Worms, y’all. It’s more common than you think for your kids to get worms. Like, inside their body. I KNOW. Thank Moses and Apple this hasn’t actually happened yet in our house, but I have several friends who have had to deal with their poor kids having worms and I’m dreading my turn. We also haven’t had to deal with lice yet, but I’m sure it’s just a matter of time. I’m itching and looking for hotels just thinking about it, but it’s just another one of those awesome parenting experiences that we are almost all blessed to experience at some point.

So, again, a gross diaper that I can take care of in 10 seconds or bugs and worms crawling all over you for who knows how long? NO CONTEST.

There Will Be Barf: When my kids were babies they had their own unique ways of spitting up. My son

When my kids were babies, they had their own unique ways of spitting up. My son spit up several times a day, but not in large quantities, whereas my daughter would only spit up a couple times a week, but in absolutely massive amounts—like soak through your clothes, you have to take a shower kind of amounts. It wasn’t pretty, and it seemed like it was gross at the time, but now that my kids are older and eat real food I can confidently say that being covered in breast milk spit-up is way less disgusting than being covered in big ol’ buckets of food barf.

The thing about little kids and vomit is that they don’t understand what’s going on and can’t really articulate it, so they don’t give you any warning regarding what’s about to happen—that they’re about to throw up. So, when they are little, they just barf. Everywhere. All over themselves, all over where they are, and especially all over you. It’s really gross, and it’s compounded by the fact that you usually can’t even get yourself cleaned up for a while, because of course, you have to take care of your poor sick kid first. So, while pieces of pasta and apples are lodged in your hair and down your shirt and you smell like compost and dumpster water, you comfort your crying kid and clean them up and put them to bed. Then, finally, you get to clean yourself up. And prepare for another round.

Because the actually really hard and challenging thing about parenting? You’re never, ever off the clock. So, pass the hand sanitizer and get back in there.

*****

About the Author

Mindi Wisman has worked as a mental health therapist, sports psychologist, academic researcher, and writer, but has yet to achieve her goal of being a back-up singer to Dolly Parton. Her work has been featured in Sammiches and Psych Meds, Babble, The Toast, and Brain, Child Magazine. She is a married mom of two small kids and a recently returned expat from Brussels, Belgium, where she should have spent her time learning French, but instead complained about the lack of tacos. You can find more Mindi on Twitter.