Since we are all stuck inside for what might seem like eleventy billion years, it's best we all stock up on Girl Scout Cookies and wine, right?
Humor

Girl Scout Cookie Wine Pairings for When You’re Stuck in Quarantine Hell

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Since we are all stuck inside for what might seem like eleventy billion years, it's best we all stock up on Girl Scout Cookies and wine, right?

By Jennifer Weedon Palazzo of MomCave

Girl Scout Cookie Season is upon us!! I have fond memories of attempting to sell a few boxes to get some “prize,” losing interest, and then making my parents buy all the boxes, which I’d binge eat and hide from my siblings. Of course, back then I paired my cookies with milk. But now, as a grown woman, I present my Girl Scout Cookie Wine Pairings!

As an adult, I always crave me some Samoas and Tagalongs this time of year. But, alas, I do not have a Girl Scout. I have a Boy Scout. And Boy Scouts don’t do cookies. They sell Popcorn. (C’mon Boy Scouts of America, get it together…. Popcorn can never compete with cookies!)

I was jonesing for some Girl Scout cookies, BAD. I actually posted on our town’s Facebook page asking if anyone knew where I could get some. A bunch of responses came in, all from people I don’t know. I arranged to meet a woman (whose daughter was a Girl Scout, I’m assuming… I’m hoping) in the parking lot of the local supermarket one afternoon. We had to describe to each other where we’d park and what our respective cars looked like. I pulled up next to her and we swapped out my cash for a bag of all my favorite cookies. I’m pretty sure the other people in the parking lot thought we were doing a drug deal.

Which is funny especially because our town has just opened its first dispensary where people can buy marijuana for recreational use. On weekends, hundreds of people wait in line to get themselves some weed products. Some Girl Scouts set up a table and were selling outside on opening weekend. That is some brilliant young female understanding of marketing right there.

So I finally had my cookies. And I’m the MOM now, so I don’t have to share them with anyone. (Ok, I did let each kid try a couple, but I hid the rest.) Now that I’m an adult, Girl Scout cookies taste all the better, because I can pair them with wine! So I thought it might be fun to share with you some of my favorite Girl Scout Cookie wine pairings. Cheers!

Samoas

If Samoas aren’t your favorite Girl Scout cookie, you’re probably a communist or something. Called Caramel deLights in some parts of the country, these cookies are the most heavenly combination of chocolate, caramel, and coconut. In fact, since they contain coconut, I’m pretty sure they count as a serving of fruit. They are best enjoyed with a Pinot Noir, sipped slowly, while reading a book in the bathtub after kids are in dreamland.

Thin Mints

Apparently, these are the top-selling Girl Scout Cookie variety across the country. Don’t get me wrong, they’re yummy. But with their wafer-thin crispness, they really aren’t quite substantial enough for me. Also, I don’t like being reminded of the word “thin” while I’m stuffing my face with my nightly stress-eating dessert. What is great about Thin Mints, is that you can easily pop an entire one in your mouth and chew it quickly– perfect for sneaking one in while making your kid’s dinner, without your kid noticing. Down it with a quick sip of chardonnay.

                                

Do-si-dos

More than any other Girl Scout Cookie, Do-si-dos remind me of childhood. I’m not really sure why. Maybe it’s because I can’t resist eating them even though I usually end up with a stomachache. Do-si-dos are delicious and addictive even though I feel like a sludge of peanut butter carbs is stuck in my midsection afterward. I’m pretty sure I ate an entire box of these the night I got my first period. In fact, I’m going to do that right now. Which is why I always pair them with a RED.

Trefoils

               

Trefoils are deceptive. They look like boring old butter cookies but once you start chomping on them, you really can’t stop. They are shaped like a profile of two teen girls who looks like they stepped out of a 1980’s Breck commercial. Or were the mean girls in Carrie. In fact, I remember eating an entire box of these after some very similar mean girls tortured me in 9th grade. Back then, I had to pair them with chocolate milk. But now that I’m grown and those mean girls are just weirdos I see on Facebook, I can enjoy my trefoils with a wine pairing of Riesling.

Tag-a-longs

These are hands-down my favorite Girl Scout Cookie. It’s as if Reese’s and cookies had a torrid affair and created some kind of hybrid peanut-butter-chocolate-cookie love child. I’m pretty sure that at least 1/2 inch of my muffin top is a direct result of Tag-a-longs. They especially ease my stress when my youngest child is screaming, “This is stooopid!” from her bed 2.5 hours after bedtime. I always pair them with the finest Pinot Grigio Bota Box has to offer.

This post was originally published on MomCave.

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About the Author

Jennifer Weedon Palazzo  is the creator of MomCaveTV.com, an online network of snarky comedies for moms including Slummy Mummy, Slacker Mom, Double Leche, Blabbermom, and MomCave LIVE. When she’s not writing about the funny side of being a mom for sites like Scary Mommy and Mamalode, Jennifer can be found eating Reese’s Cups while furiously bidding on vintage clothing on eBay. After 18 years as a Manhattan-ite, she now lives in the Berkshires with her husband, Evan, bandleader of The Hot Sardines and their two kids. Follow her on Twitter @MomCaveTV, Facebook, and visit https://www.youtube.com/MomCave.