By Lisa Carmody Doiron of Momologues
This just in: The FDA approved a vaccine yesterday in an effort to wipe out a horrendous condition known as Parentiitus Selfrightulosis (or PS for short).
“PS is an insidious disease taking over the parenting community,” stated Public Health Nurse, Wanda Purgit. “Often times, parents don’t even realize they have it; then, before they know it, they’re spreading it unwittingly. It’s highly contagious.”
Parentiitus Selfrightulosis is transmitted orally. It germinates from a tiny, sanctimonious thought and propagates, quickly infecting the ears, mouth, and eventually brain. It thrives in insecure environments and can rapidly consume those who are vulnerable.
The FDA is urging all parents to get the vaccine in an effort to eradicate the disease. While it is relatively new, the vaccine has been rigorously tested and will be continuously monitored. While most parents are showing up in droves for their immunization, there is some resistance from a very vocal group of parents.
When asked if she plans to get the vaccine, Ima Dudley responded, “Absolutely not. I heard on Google that vaccines can give you Botulism. No, wait. Crotchulism. No, that’s not it. Hopscotchulism. Whatever, it’s one of those things. I’d much rather risk getting Parentiitus Whatever-It’s-Called than Hopscotchulism. It’s all about having your facts straight, you know?”
Others had a slightly more passive response.
“I dunno,” pondered Daphne Gleckt. “I’m pretty sure if all the other parents get the PS vaccine then I’ll be protected too, right? I think I’ll just wait for PS to disappear… like Polio.”
And still, others are taking treatment for the disease into their own hands.
“I’m not getting the vaccine because vaccines are devil poison. I’m just going to rub breastmilk on it if I get infected. Breastmilk cures everything, you know? Oh, but only milk from your right breast. Milk from your left breast is absolutely inferior. I will think less of you if you use milk from your left breast to cure the infection,” stated Shirley Wayward.
Regardless of public opinion, PS is a serious illness and needs to be treated. Public Health is urging those at risk to make an informed decision.
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About the Author
Lisa lives in PEI, Canada with her husband and two boys. She blogs regularly at Momologues and is a regular contributor to G! Magazine. Her stories have been featured on Blunt Moms, Mom Babble, Sammiches and Psych Meds, Mamalode and Scary Mommy. When she’s not writing, Lisa teaches music at a local public school. Check her out on Facebook: Momologues or on Twitter: @elsiekarmadi. To read more of her stories, you can find her blog at: elsiekarmadi.wordpress.com.
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