Meteorologists around the world today are reporting a stunning weather development: Hell has frozen over.
The Weather Channel, first to report the climate change, noted that it occurred at precisely 7:46 a.m. Eastern Time, leaving Hell, once the hottest place in the universe, solidly encased in ice.
Scrambling to determine what could have caused Hell’s temperature to plunge 3000 degrees in a matter of seconds, scientists traced the deep freeze back to a 10-year-old boy in Orlando. Apparently the child admitted his mother was “right.” Hell froze instantly.
“I’m as stunned as everyone,” said the boy’s still visibly shaken mother. “It was about 7:45 a.m. He was getting dressed for school and couldn’t find a sock. I merely suggested that he look in his blankets. He found the sock, then boom! He said it: ‘You were right, Mommy.’ I honestly don’t know what to do with myself. I’m stunned. Just stunned.”
Climatologists are uncertain about the long-term effects of this dramatic temperature shift, but there is concern that we could experience a global ice age if more children begin conceding that their moms and dads are right. “It could be a planet killer,” said Herzog Werner, PhD, of the World Meteorological Organization in Geneva.
American meteorologists dismissed that prediction as unduly alarmist. “This is a freak occurrence, like a thousand-year storm or an asteroid strike,” assured atmospheric scientist Rob Blattner, PhD, of the National Weather Service in Silver Spring, Maryland. “We’re not going see another kid admitting their parent is right. It’s just not going to happen.”
A version of this post was first published on Science of Parenthood
About the Author
A longtime freelance writer, Norine Dworkin-McDaniel has written for just about every women’s magazine you can buy at the newsstand. Dworkin-McDaniel is co-creator of the blog Science of Parenthood and co-author of Science of Parenthood: Thoroughly Unscientific Explanations for Utterly Baffling Parenting Situations (She Writes Press), winner of the Independent Book Publishers Association’s 2016 Gold Benjamin Franklin Award for Parenting & Family and Foreword Reviews’ 2016 Silver IndieFab Award for Humor. She’s a contributor to several humor anthologies, including Have Milk, Will Travel: Adventures In Breastfeeding (Demeter Press). She lives in Orlando with her husband and son and three spoiled house cats.