Every year, and though literally no one asks for it, parents are blessed with the gift of childhood holiday bullshittery. Christmas time is rough as a parent: kids are released from school for a long winter break, parents are running around from store to store searching for the perfect gifts while screaming children cling to their limbs and throw tantrums on the the mall floor, and the pressure is on to fill every day with some sort of holiday activity like baking cookies, decorating ornaments, making gingerbread migraines, and attending whimsical holiday events and parties. All of this is executed in an attempt to make everything perfect and memorable for their brood before the magic of Christmas and Santa dies.
Somewhere in the blur of holiday chaos, there’s one annual tradition parents try to squeeze in – the highly-coveted smiling picture with Santa Claus. Kids get decked-out in an assortment of red, white, and green, whether it be glittery tulle, buffalo plaid, or stuffy sweaters, and get marched off to malls or tree farms where the big man awaits in his velvety stuffed throne full of eggnog farts. Except, sometimes the dream photo doesn’t happen. Sometimes kids aren’t super thrilled to go sit on a fat, bearded man’s lap who is dressed in a weird velvet track suit. And didn’t mom and dad say not to take candy from strangers?
Ellen Degeneres put a call out for kids pictures with Santa gone wrong with the hashtag #ellenratemysantaphoto and the submissions that have been coming in are hilarious.
Here are the best worst pictures of kids participating in the act of not fucking cooperating as they pose with Santa.
Wait, is she one of the children of the corn?
Facebook user Pam Greminger happily reports, “She’s a happy 15 year old now, so I’m pleased to report the exorcism was a success.”
Diamond Downs’s son sitting in his wagon as he executes the perfect “Get the Fuck Away From Me” look.
And the first one out of the gate in the race to Screw This Bullshit is Tiffany Galletti Wallace’s girl.
The thing that makes this photo by Toni Cade is the epic Santa playing along all in good fun.
Here’s the same boy, a different year, in a pic submitted by Jeff Roffman Photography. Looks like his Christmas tradition is hating Santa’s jingle balls.
Facebook user Jessica Badgerow bagged herself a Santa who is a pro at handling meltdowns.
The smile on Santa’s face in this picture by Jensen Wilson is the icing on the cake if by cake you mean permanent candy cane-scented phobias of Santa.
At least someone in this sad holiday tailgate courtesy of Zac Norman is happy.
I’m thinking this little girl’s visions were less sugar plums and more ways to murder Santa. Photo courtesy of Serena Wolfgang.
And now, a fun little montage of children fleeing for their lives from strange, bearded old men:
This adorable girl thought Santa was in need of an exorcism. MAY THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPEL YOU!
**Xenophobe trigger warning!**
And the piece de resistance is this photo of a kid who threw up on Santa’s lap. You’re welcome.
If you have any epically bad pictures of your kids with Santa, Sammiches and Psych Meds wants to see. Drop your pics in the comments!