The holidays are the most wonderful time of the year. At least they are until that second week of winter break, when you reach your breaking point of shrieking, arguing children in your immediate vicinity.
Having kids at home for the summer is one thing, when you can throw them outside all day. But when it’s below freezing outside and you’re all under the same roof, suddenly the short days feel a whole lot longer.
You try calling the school to beg them to take them back early. You consider selling vital organs on Craigslist to afford a babysitter to reprieve you for a day. Defeated, you crawl into the fetal position and rock in the corner, hoping it will at least be over soon.
We understand. And luckily for us, the funniest parents on Twitter do as well:
Day 1 of holiday break with the kids:
*already hungover and throwing lunchables onto the snow to go make the kids play outside*
— Beatriz (@wittwitbarista) December 19, 2016
Day one of my kids’ winter break and I already feel like I’ve been awake for 1000 straight hours, so these next 2 1/2 weeks should be fine.
— Cray at Home Ma (@cray_at_home_ma) December 17, 2016
look at you people with no kids and no toothpaste on every single towel in the house
— Her Tall Boots (@fuzzlime) December 26, 2016
Winter Break as a parent is a lot like Spring Break when you’re single and childless. A bunch of naked people shouting and demanding drinks.
— Mommy Cusses (@mommy_cusses) December 17, 2016
Before break: I can’t wait to spend time with my kids.
2 days in: Well, isn’t this nice.
3 days in: I love you, but you need to go away.
— SHANtilly Ace (@theshantilly) December 29, 2016
Anyone know which wine pairs well with 8 AM
— ☠️ Bonez ☠️ (@T_Bonezzz_) December 24, 2016
Winter break has taught me that the word break is completely misused.
— Jennifer Lizza (@outsmartedmommy) December 29, 2016
The only thing my kids can all agree on is arguing with each other every minute they’re awake.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) December 29, 2016
“Children hibernate at some point in the winter, right?”
-parents over Christmas break.— No Idea: Daddy Blog (@byclintedwards) December 23, 2016
Imagine my house.
Wrong.
Way more used children’s band-aids on the floor.
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) December 29, 2016
Did I have a nice holiday?
Well, my kids are arguing over who has the loudest toy, and no one gifted me noise canceling headphones.— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) December 29, 2016
Toddler law of Mommy’s headache: A toddler’s choice of loud musical toys is directly proportional to the magnitude of a parent’s headache.
— Jennifer S. White (@yenniwhite) December 29, 2016
It’s not really winter break until you’ve poured a glass of wine and yelled upstairs “don’t get blood on the carpet!”
— Karen Johnson (@21stcenturysahm) December 21, 2016
“Alexa, yell at my kids to behave every 7 minutes. I’m headed to the bar.”
— AmishPornStar™ (@AmishPornStar1) December 28, 2016
Xmas Vacation 2001: WATCH HOW MANY BEERS I CAN FUNNEL BEFORE NOON
2016: watch how many sips I can take of my tea before I have to reheat it
— Lurkin’ Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) December 29, 2016
When I hear one of my kids scream, I’m not sure if they’re being murdered or if the wifi went out again.
— Rock (@TheMichaelRock) December 29, 2016
It’s day… “my kid and I are no longer speaking but relying on grunts and hand gestures to communicate”… of winter break.
— Jules (@SaltyCorpse) December 28, 2016
My love for my kids is infinite.
My patience, energy, time, cash, and coffee supply are not.Sincerely,
Every parent ever— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) December 7, 2016
So there you have it. We can’t help get your kids back to school any earlier, but you at least have some solidarity (and God willing, LOTS of alcohol) to help get you through what’s left of winter break.
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About the Author
Joanna McClanahan is an Editor at Mock Mom. She’s also a Contributor at Sammiches & Psych Meds and has been published on Scary Mommy. You can find more from her on RamblinMama.com, Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.