Anti-Vaxxer Abandons Movement After Realizing Vaccines Shockingly Prevent Illnesses

Anti-Vaxxer Abandons Movement After Realizing Vaccines Prevent Illnesses

By Kristine Laco of Mum Revised

In a startling discovery by a Kanata mother, it appears that people who do not vaccinate their children from diseases are at risk for contracting those diseases.

“I am not beating myself up about it,” mother Tara Hills continued. Her seven children ranging from 10 months to 10 years old, currently on house arrest, will be plagued with a vomit-inducing cough for the next hundred days or more.

The good news is that, although “emotionally, a bit raw” and “mentally, a bit taxed,” Mrs. Hills is physically fine. In fact, she is not even on house arrest, so she can leave the scene of the crime house anytime she is needed to communicate her all-important stance on vaccinations. Besides, it gives her a break from all that noise and smell.

When asked if she had done research before choosing to not vaccinate her children, Hills stated, “The medical community are just paid-off puppets of a Big Pharma-Government-Media conspiracy.” She had no proof for this assertion, but she is sure she saw it on Facebook.

The family’s new stance is likely to turn some heads in the primarily anti-vaccination community. “Could all the in-house, independent, peer-reviewed clinical trials, research papers and studies across the globe ALL be flawed, corrupt and untrustworthy?” Mrs. Hills hasn’t yet seen this on Facebook, but she is starting to wonder.

Hills added that she has never seen Polio, Consumption, the Plague, or Small Pox; therefore, they don’t exist. “Are these vaccines even necessary in this day and age?”

She is “defecting from the anti-vaccination camp for Whooping Cough” ironically, and it is raising eyebrows in the small town.

Area mothers were seen sporting signs in support of their own anti-vaccination policy. This reporter found the group three-and-a-half blocks away at Starbucks. They had, wisely, left their children at home with nannies because they had heard a rampant case of lice was going around, and nobody needs that.

“I watch The Big Bang Theory and find science to seem trivial,” a representative from the group commented. “They don’t seem to do much of anything besides eat Thai food and play Dungeons & Dragons. If scientists are where parents are getting their information from, I think they should have a talk with Jenny McCarthy instead.” At this time Ms. McCarthy was not in the Starbucks so was unavailable for comment.

Hills’ first three children were vaccinated, but the next four kids were four too many. “I thought maybe the ‘do nothing and hope nothing happens position’ would work out for us.” This reporter discovered she had used that strategy four times before. Unfortunately for her seven children, that gamble did not pay off.

On the upside, the 5-month-old baby and the elderly family members that the Hills children visited over the holidays have been sufficiently slobbered and coughed on. This extended family will likely continue the teachings within the community.

The Hills have been heralded as heroes, not only for spreading the need for the Whooping Cough vaccine, but also for their plethora of research, which has been distributed on sticky notes all over town to inform other Kanata residents.


About the Author

Kristine Laco shares her stories at with a splash of sarcasm and a pinch of bitch. She lives in the Toronto area and is a stay-at-home mother of two kids aged 14 and 12 and a fur-baby. Her middle finger is her favorite. You can find more from her on Facebook and Twitter.