By E.R. Catalano of Zoe vs. The Universe
Mattel’s popular American Girl Doll recently came under fire from a conservative group for promoting the “sin of homosexuality.” The group was calling for a boycott of the company after they published an article in their popular magazine featuring an adopted girl with two gay dads (based on real people). As part of their objection, they pointed out that American Girl doesn’t “highlight other sins” in their products.
Therefore, in the interest of inclusiveness, the company will be rolling out several new lines of dolls in the next year, all of them built for sin.
The first in the series is called American Girl: Seven Little Sinners. Each of the seven dolls will represent one of the Seven Deadly Sins. All will feature American Girl’s signature fresh-faced looks, detailed clothes and accessories, and exhaustive backstories. Available in time to ship for Christmas, which sinner will be your little mischief maker’s favorite?
From the press release:
Representing Greed is American Girl Julie Guilder. A child of the eighties who lives to shop and never stops, Julie comes with Gucci sunglasses, a Chanel suit, and Jimmy Choo shoes. Plus a plethora of name-brand shopping bags, maxed-out credits cards, and more jewelry than she can possibly wear in the span of a natural childhood. Upscale boutique with chaise lounge, three-way mirror, and espresso machine sold separately.
Next meet Eve Harrington, epitome of Envy. Don’t be fooled by the innocent eyes of this 1950s Hollywood starlet; there’s an ambitious she-devil beneath. Eve spends her time in a well-appointed back stage dressing room including costumes, a light-up vanity, and a star on her door. A special highlight is the hidden closet. Open the door and push the costumes aside to reveal a vengeful shrine to the older star she schemes to replace. Voodoo doll optional.
Slothful Susan Sloan comes with one outfit: a plain T-shirt, sweatpants, Velcro sneakers, and a reversible jacket for when one side gets dirty and she’s too lazy to clean it. Also part of the Slothful Susan theme: a hammock, a day bed, remotes for all her entertainment consoles, and medical packs to treat bedsores.
Slutty Sally Simmons embodies the sin of Lust. She’s our 1920s flapper living it up, darn the consequences. Signature outfit is drop-waist dress, cloche hat, and string of pearls. Also available: Rolls-Royce, fur stole, cigarette holder, champagne bottle, Victrola, and doll’s virtue. Sally’s best gal pal, Syphilis Phyllis, coming Spring 2016.
Camilla Goodfinger is our little Glutton. She arrives with an apron dress that can be let out when she overindulges. Camilla’s tea set includes an abundance of finger sandwiches. You can also purchase a picnic hamper with a whole roasted chicken inside. But it’s not just food Camilla gorges herself on. There are magazines galore and a TV tuned to QVC. Her cell phone is constantly in one hand, a chicken wing in the other. Tsk-tsk, Camilla.
Gwynnie Whitcomb is the girl with Pride. She wears a lot of white as if to prove she repels dirt. Also lots of capes. Her bedroom is full of mirrors so she can admire her impeccable taste from every conceivable angle. Accessories include: yoga mat, treadmill, exercise tapes, and a Sterling silver NutriBullet engraved with her initials. Fat shaming Camilla Goodfinger is optional, but encouraged.
And finally, representing Wrath, American Girl is proud to present the beloved company’s first tie-in with HBO’s Game of Thrones: True Queen of the Seven Kingdoms, Breaker of Chains, Mother of Dragons, the Unburnt, and now Honorary American Girl, little Dany Targaryen. Doll comes fully loaded with anger over being deprived of her birthright. Also, accurate re-creations of dresses worn on the show along with her three “children”: the dragons Drogon, Rhaegal, and Viserion. Fire and ice not included.
Next Christmas, look for American Girl dolls inspired by hit Netflix show Orange Is the New Black, because nothing says America like pricey toys and incarceration.
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About the Author
E. R. Catalano is a writer and mother of one evil mastermind living in Brooklyn, NY. She writes a humor blog at www.zoevstheuniverse.com. She is a contributor to The Bigger Book of Parenting Tweets and the forthcoming Lose the Cape: Never Will I Ever, and her humorous essays have appeared on Scary Mommy, In the Powder Room, Club Mid, BLUNTmoms, and Mamapedia. You can follow her on Twitter at @zoevsuniverse and on Facebook.