By Nancy Fulkerson of Real Time Mom
If you’re a new mom, it’s probably been a while since you dated. Chances are you’re married, in a committed relationship, or single and haven’t had time to get yourself out there… you know, since you live that #momlife now.
Personally, I’ve been out of the dating scene for quite some time. I don’t want to age myself, but there weren’t any dating apps when I met my husband, except for your relationship status on Facebook, and Facebook was just for college students, not your grandma.
The thing is, since becoming a mom, you actually have started dating again, and it’s not in search of a SO (hopefully!); it’s with other moms. That’s because making new mom friends is exactly like dating.
Unfortunately, I’ve found that similar to the dating world, it can be tough out there for a friendless mom, but it can be done! Here are the ways your new mom life is just like dating, and some ways you can get yourself back in the game if you’re struggling to meet that special someone.
You Totally Have a Type
Just like scanning a room for tall, dark, and handsome, you totally have a mom type you’re into. How old are they? Do they like to work out? Do they like a good Nordstrom Rack shopping spree? Could our partners be friends?
Not only do you have to click with their interests, but your new friend also has to be easy to meet up with, seeing as how leaving the house with your baby is friggin hard.
Whatever your type may be, you may have to kiss a lot of frogs before finding your princess.
Make Yourself Available
Unfortunately, potential mom friends aren’t going to be lining up at your door, so, just like in the dating world, you’ve got to go places you know available moms will be! Obviously before, you’d probably hit the bars in a low cut top, but in your new mom life, your scene is a little different. Usually, it’s poppin at the library around 10:30 — you know, between babies’ nap times. Or you’ve thought outside the box by attending FIT4MOM, taking baby swim classes, or joining a Mommy Meet-Up group.
You Spark Up Conversation Using a Pick-Up Line
We’ve all heard a pick-up line or two. Just like in the dating world, you’re usually ready to spark up a conversation with a mom who meets your criteria. The good news is you don’t have to ask them if they’re from a different planet because their booty is out of this world—our kids are the new pick-up line! “Do you prefer your backpack diaper bag as opposed to an over the should one?” … “OMG, I love their outfit. Is it Cat & Jack?” … “Does that amber necklace really work?“ Blah blah blah… whatever it takes to break the ice.
You Play Hard to Get
Just like in the dating scene, desperation is unattractive. You’ve got to play a little hard-to-get before you make your move. Nothing is more of a turn off than a mom who asks to exchange numbers in the first 5 minutes of meeting them. Gotta play it cool.
You Exchange Digits
After you’ve taken some time to see if you’re a good match, you exchange numbers. This exchange of the digits doesn’t typically happen right away, unless it’s love at first sight. You may have had to frequent the same spot a couple times in order to do the awkward number trade, but you have it! You’re this much closer to a real mom friend. Score!
After a while, maybe your contact list starts to look like this: “Keri Swim,” “Donna Library,” “Hannah Meet-Up”… totally mom whoring it up, but soon you might even be a mom clique! Big, bad, and can only hang out a couple hours at a time.
You Go on a First Date
Oh, the jitters. After a couple days, you see if your potential mom friend wants to get together. It’s near impossible to plan something between nap schedules and which park has the best shade for your babies to play under, but you figure it out! You meet around 11ish, because, in mom life, there are no exact meeting times. So, after meeting them “around” 11 AM, you can get to know your new mom friend on a more personal level and decide if this new relationship is going somewhere.
You Move Forward. Or You Don’t
Will you get a call back? Will there be a second date? Is this someone you’re going to tell your parents about? Truth is, sometimes it doesn’t work out. I’ve had some bad first dates. No follow-up text. No next play date. Totally ghosted…. But that’s okay. Everything happens for a reason (that’s what I used to tell myself when I was single!).
Some relationships, though, will evolve into something much more. One in which you can share baby poop stories, ask advice about baby-led weaning and sleep training, and, of course, bitch about your significant other.
When I became a mom, I had no idea I would be dating all over again, but I am. It’s a whirlwind roller coaster with a lot less making out. What other things have you discovered when trying to make mom friends?
This post was originally published on Real Time Mom.
About the Author
Hi, I’m Nancy Fulkerson, a certified teacher turned full-time stay at home mom blogger and owner of Real Time Mom. I write for the mom who loves the modern nuisances of parenting in today’s world, while, at the same time, hating those nuisances too.