Once Upon a Time, we were the most patient, level-headed, lighthearted, and optimistic people in the world. And then we had kids, and all of that shit went straight down the drain, along with our cold coffee and sanity.
If you’re a mom who is on the brink of a mental breakdown on the daily, you’re not alone. Check out these memes from 27 other moms who are also losing their shit thanks to the mental laxative that is motherhood.
1. I will destroy everything you love
Being a mom is synonymous with bipolar behavior. Because children are experts in mental warfare.
2. 12 hours my puckered butthole
The last time my children were on the recommended sleep schedule was when they were in the womb, and even then they were kicking me in the bladder.
3. Let’s have a moment of silence
Once the kids finally do go to bed, I like to pour one out to my homies who have passed. Those homies were my patience and free time.
4. Not all heroes wear capes
Some are daintily closing their windows before completely losing it on their families so the whole neighborhood can be spared of their regularly scheduled 6 o’clock “Come to Jesus” meeting.
Please pray for my barren field of fucks. Bless.
6. RED ALERT! RED ALERT!
Post this on every wall in your house so your family at least has a shot of staying on your good side. Yeah, right. They’ll probably just use it as a Nerf target.
7. Mommy isn’t here
Sometimes you just have to let your inner Patricia free to get everyone acting right.
8. Story time!
The moral of the story is: mommy needs a vacation.
9. It’s called balance
We moms try to be so “on” all the time, so it’s only normal that we go Stage 5 nuts every once in a while.
10. No filter
Let everyone know that you mean business.
11. What time is it?
It’s time for mom to hop on board the crazy train! *bites the head off a bat*
12. But, first…
Let me tackle this mountain of laundry. Wouldn’t want anyone to run out of clean fuggin socks!
13. Riddle me this
Now, here is a homework problem I can solve.
14. Just breathe…
You’re going to need all that air when you breathe fire later because no one likes what you spent hours cooking for dinner.
15. I’m not a morning person
Or an afternoon or evening person. Because kids.
16. Revenge is sweet
Tell me to calm down one more time.
17. Ah, yes. Right on schedule
Motherhood, insanity, and other words that are synonymous.
18. I could write that shit in a day
Let’s start a book club with other moms who are on the brink of insanity. I’ll bring the spiked coffee.
19. Now, where did that darn thing go?
Ope! Did my batshit slip out again?
20. THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE FUN!
This movie night went very differently when I pictured it with the family who lives in my head.
21. I DON’T WANT TO YELL!
…she yelled at everyone for yelling.
22. Did we just become best friends?
Wanna watch murder documentaries and count gray hairs together?
23. Lest you forget
Before all the “perfect parents” (i.e. childless people) go on judging us…
24. For the love of all that is holy
Or 24, but who’s counting, really?
25. Be present
You’ll still be filled with murderous rage, but at least you’ll be “living in the moment” and all that inspo bullshit.
You might want to take little Timmy home before he learns at least 7 fun new words. Spoiler: They’re expletives.
27. Louder for the sanctimommies in the back
Before you judge us for being human and losing our cool, take a look at all the other moments that fill our lives. The dozens of “I love yous” in a day, the tickle fights, the mom guilt, the stories, the maniacal laughter, the heart-to-hearts, the kisses, the hugs, the doing for everyone before we even think of doing for ourselves, the She-Hulking the moment someone eyes our kids sideways, and the around-the-clock magic we make happen. Being a good mom is not one-size fits all.