Successfully diapering and clothing a toddler is damn near impossible. It should be an Olympic event, really.
Somehow, toddlers possess the superhuman abilities to twist, contort, and escape their way out of the most complicated restraint systems, and they particularly enjoy employing these skills when it’s time to add or remove any sort of clothing item: hats, shoes, onesies, pants, diapers — especially diapers.
It’s infuriating, I tell you. Infuriating.
In order to illustrate exactly how difficult this endeavor is, I’ve created a list of the top 20 things easier than dressing a toddler. You know, in case you haven’t had the pleasure.
Oh, and you read that right. Easier.
1. wrestling a bag of snakes
2. surviving an hour in a shark tank
3. reading through the entire terms of service without wanting to stab your own eyeballs out
4. taking an alligator for a walk
5. understanding every last bit of legal jargon in a binding agreement
6. making it through Stephanie Myers’ Twilight – the second time
7. riding out a hurricane in nothing but a grass hut
8. tolerating a urinary tract infection for one week without medication
9. exiting Wal-Mart without once feeling the urge to drive a set of rusty nails through your nasal cavities
10. building a fire with nothing but soggy wood and matches
11. walking away from an encounter with a honey badger, entrails intact
12. lasting an entire car ride without hearing “why?” from a 4-year-old
13. drinking Dr. Oz’s 3-day detox lunch shake without throwing up a little in your mouth
14. listening to your grandmother read 50 Shades of Grey aloud
15. leaving Target without purchasing a single thing
16. surviving an hour of Fox News
17. buying a new car in two hours or less
18. getting a 3-year-old to eat his vegetables
19. bathing a cat
20. maintaining a perky bum after 2 kids and a decade of bad decisions
All easier than dressing a toddler. Much, much easier.