20 Things Easier Than Dressing a Toddler
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20 Things Easier Than Dressing a Toddler

20 Things Easier Than Dressing a Toddler

Successfully diapering and clothing a toddler is damn near impossible.  It should be an Olympic event, really.

Somehow, toddlers possess the superhuman abilities to twist, contort, and escape their way out of the most complicated restraint systems, and they particularly enjoy employing these skills when it’s time to add or remove any sort of clothing item: hats, shoes, onesies, pants, diapers — especially diapers.

It’s infuriating, I tell you.  Infuriating.

In order to illustrate exactly how difficult this endeavor is, I’ve created a list of the top 20 things easier than dressing a toddler.  You know, in case you haven’t had the pleasure.

Oh, and you read that right.  Easier.

1. wrestling a bag of snakes

2. surviving an hour in a shark tank

3. reading through the entire terms of service without wanting to stab your own eyeballs out

4. taking an alligator for a walk

5. understanding every last bit of legal jargon in a binding agreement

6. making it through Stephanie Myers’ Twilight – the second time

7. riding out a hurricane in nothing but a grass hut

8. tolerating a urinary tract infection for one week without medication

9. exiting Wal-Mart without once feeling the urge to drive a set of rusty nails through your nasal cavities

10. building a fire with nothing but soggy wood and matches

11. walking away from an encounter with a honey badger, entrails intact

12. lasting an entire car ride without hearing “why?” from a 4-year-old

13. drinking Dr. Oz’s 3-day detox lunch shake without throwing up a little in your mouth

14. listening to your grandmother read 50 Shades of Grey aloud

15. leaving Target without purchasing a single thing

16. surviving an hour of Fox News

17. buying a new car in two hours or less

18. getting a 3-year-old to eat his vegetables

19. bathing a cat

20. maintaining a perky bum after 2 kids and a decade of bad decisions

All easier than dressing a toddler. Much, much easier.