Children’s parties are like their very own special kind of torture. Parties are supposed to be fun; however, a children’s party is a special kind of vortex where fun goes to die. Only for adults, though. Somewhere along the line that violently catapults us into adulthood, we lose all sense of fun when it comes to parties full of wild, screaming, sugared-up children.
Maybe it’s because, as parents, we are just tired. So tired.
Or maybe it’s because we’re forced to stand around and awkwardly socialize with other people we have nothing in common with, apart from simply that whole procreation thing. Or maybe it’s because birthday parties are a genuine madhouse where rules and order and chaos mean nothing. All that matters is chaos and screaming.
So. Much. Screaming.
However, despite the craziness, we endure these things regardless. All because we love our kids and want them to be happy. Even if that happiness costs us our hearing, our sanity, and our Saturday afternoons.
At least we have humor and the camaraderie of other parents to help us cope. Here’s what some of the funny parents of Twitter had to say about the absolute insanity that is children’s parties.
20 Hilarious Tweets About the Madness Of Children’s Parties
1. There’s a special place in Hell for people who give out whistles
In an effort to brainwash me into a deep depression, my son has been sounding a whistle he got at a party every two minutes.
— Mommy Cusses (@mommy_cusses) July 25, 2017
2. There’s a very specific chain of events that happen at these things
Ohhh, kids' birthday parties aren't so bad. Nobody flinches if I pee my pants, have a meltdown, or have to go home early for a nap.
— Housewife of Hell (@HousewifeOfHell) January 21, 2016
3. Guaranteed, less is more with this crowd
Before you spend $200 on birthday party entertainment for your child, I sprayed my son and his friends for 45 minutes with the hose. Rave reviews.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) May 27, 2018
4. Plan your theme around your existing decor
The only good thing about hosting this damn Minecraft birthday party is that I don't have to explain away all these pick-axes.
— AsKateWouldHaveIt (@KateWouldHaveIt) June 5, 2017
The biggest sigh of relief you will ever experience as a parent is when the last kid leaves the birthday party.
— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) August 16, 2015
6. Fun fact: it’s ALL of them
A children’s birthday party game: guess which guests are contagious.
— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) February 21, 2019
7. I co-sign this idea
You should supply 4 beers for every kid under the age of 10 at birthday parties.
— S A R A B U C K L E Y (@nottheworstmom) March 19, 2019
8. God, it feels good
That Shawshank scene where Andy Dufresne finally reaches freedom, but it's me exiting a kid birthday party.
— Kate Hall (@KateWhineHall) August 3, 2017
9. You live your life your way, I’ll live my life my way
If taking a flask to a kid's birthday party is wrong then that's just too bad.
— OneFunnyMummy (@OneFunnyMummy) June 17, 2017
10. It could go either way
Someone just drank too much, peed themselves, and passed out.
Where am I? Frat party or toddler birthday party?
— Tired Working Mom (@WorkingMom86) August 2, 2015
11. Let’s petition to change the name
You say it's a birthday party for your 2 yo.
I say it's a bon voyage party for your sanity.
Let's agree to agree on this.
— Housewife of Hell (@HousewifeOfHell) March 26, 2019
12. Everyone is yelling and slightly insane
Pretty sure they're called loot bags because of the strong resemblance between kids' parties and a pirate mutiny.
— Heather M. Jones (@hmjoneswriter) July 4, 2019
13. Who doesn’t like a fun size candy bar?
*realizes I forgot to make goodie bags for my daughter’s birthday party tomorrow*
*dumps Halloween candy into brown paper bags*
— Janina Maria (@dontlosethekids) November 17, 2018
Let's get married and have kids so instead of doing fun stuff on the weekend we can go to a kid's birthday party where everyone coughs.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) September 14, 2014
15. Seriously. Why so popular?
First time your kid gets a bday party invite: Awww!
Second time: Oh, another one?
Third time: MAKE ANY MORE FRIENDS AND YOU'RE GROUNDED.
— Ashley Austrew (@ashleyaustrew) January 21, 2016
16. That’s the theme every year
Sorry kid's birthday party activities on Pinterest, I'm planning to give them too much sugar and let the kids run wild.
— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) August 9, 2017
17. Just take it one step at a time
"We will rebuild" I say to myself, cleaning up the aftermath of my 3 yo's birthday party.
— Tired Working Mom (@WorkingMom86) May 29, 2015
18. WHAT WAS I THINKING
Nothing makes me question my life choices more than planning a child's birthday party.
— Janina Maria (@dontlosethekids) October 10, 2018
19. This checks out
Behind every child's birthday party is a crazed, tired mama.
— Mamasdoody (@Mamasdoody) July 4, 2019
20. The truth is, they won’t really care. And that’s ok
being a mom is fun because you can search high and low for the perfect gifts, take them on surprise magical excursions, throw elaborate birthday parties, and your kids will just keep talking about that one time you let them get a Dr. Pepper at the gas station
— Valerie (@ValeeGrrl) December 17, 2018
Children’s parties are a special kind of madness.
Yet we keep doing this shit, because we love our babies, and dammit, we’re happy they exist!
If you know someone who could use a LOL while they sneak out of little Timmy’s 4th, be sure and share this list!